Just for a laugh and something more lighthearted...
H and my main activity last night, prior to watching TV and ML, was that I made him up. He has naturally very long eyelashes and I asked him the other day if he'd ever put mascara on, and he said he hadn't but I could do his makeup. Last night he asked if I'd do it. It was hilarious and we both laughed so hard!! They looked even longer than false lashes, they were the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. They seriously looked like creepy crawlers' antennae coming out of his eyes. Wish I could show you guys how funny it looked but his one condition was I wasn't allowed to take any pictures. But it was something like this
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Its amazing how misunderstood love is and the appreciation you can gain by going through what we go through. I guess its something each of us have to learn in our own way and time. Keep us the good work, Susana. Time is your friend in this, be patient and have faith things will work out for you.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
So how do the speakers get connected? If H feels love then how to output it, how to get that song played?
I like the idea of you having new tools in your tool kit. If you were trying to fix the connection with a screw, a hammer won't do. So you go get a screwdriver, sorry screw head wrong size, different size, sorry no need a posscrew driver (Philips head).
If all else fails try twisting with pliers! We do not say how inadequate we are because it's a hammer! We keep going with new tools, try new things, 180s, etc.
Incidentally as you know Al Turtle, you will understand the term pull in a conversation. Essentially watching Bestie at work pulling is inspirational, starts with space lots of it, (bestie's H is in serious crime so faces some awful stuff sometimes), then basic open question about his day. If hard day then coffee and more space. Water is hot, shower? Then she attends to his basic need for a drink, small hug, more space, then asks him to do a minor household task. Then would you like to tell me about today? Easy when she does it.
I arrive at home and I get a rant about the wrong bacon..........
Mind you in some areas you seem expert in the pull!
Steady only being cheeky.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/13/1503:50 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Cadet, I think you're right. His self-esteem seems at an all time low right now and he doesn't seem to love himself.
Something my friend said last night really hit me and made me feel a lot less anger, and more compassion-- "I want to punch him for what he's doing to you BUT I know him and I know he's a really good guy, and I feel really bad for him...think of how scary it must be to be so lost, to not know who you are or what you want, to not like yourself."
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
So how do the speakers get connected? If H feels love then how to output it, how to get that song played?
Hmm...this is the big question I need to figure out!
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
I like the idea of you having new tools in your tool kit. If you were trying to fix the connection with a screw, a hammer won't do. So you go get a screwdriver, sorry screw head wrong size, different size, sorry no need a posscrew driver (Philips head).
If all else fails try twisting with pliers! We do not say how inadequate we are because it's a hammer! We keep going with new tools, try new things, 180s, etc.
Incidentally as you know Al Turtle, you will understand the term pull in a conversation. Essentially watching Bestie at work pulling is inspirational, starts with space lots of it, (bestie's H is in serious crime so faces some awful stuff sometimes), then basic open question about his day. If hard day then coffee and more space. Water is hot, shower? Then she attends to his basic need for a drink, small hug, more space, then asks him to do a minor household task. Then would you like to tell me about today? Easy when she does it.
I arrive at home and I get a rant about the wrong bacon..........
Mind you in some areas you seem expert in the pull!
Steady only being cheeky.
V
Hahaha...naughty V! I love it!
Do you think my skills are transferable? Lol!
Thanks for sharing the description of your bestie. She does sound the expert! I have read one al turtle piece on pulling, think I need to re-read and look for more.
Sometimes my H can be very open, the other night he was but he'd had a few drinks... I need to have a think about whether I do anything differently at those times when he's more open, and experiment with that.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Had a call with my DB coach earlier and she was VERY positive about my sitch.
-We discussed ML, and I told her I was confused about whether it was right to do or not. She said I should look at whether it brings us closer together or not. She wrote down all the different things I'd heard and were turning over in my head and read it back to me and then asked me to pick what stood out first as correct - I picked that it brings us closer together, and she said she was glad I picked that one.
-She asked what's made me feel like we've drawn closer lately (spending time together, him seeming concerned about my feelings, him wanting to know more about me) and what I feel like I need more of - I said time together. She suggested inviting him to do something at the weekend at some point, e.g. something I find out is going on nearby.
-She asked what's most frustrating for me right now and I said not knowing what he's feeling. We spoke about how i can encourage him to talk more about his feelings and made these goals: ask some more open ended questions, talk a bit about my feelings (not too much) and take responsibility for being argumentative in the past.
-Other goals: keep doing what's been working. Keep up with my changes, keep going out and GALing, continue to dress up and look good, keep being flirty
-She said it's a little risky for her to say but she believes he's "more in than out"
-She asked if our ML last night felt like we were connected/if it felt loving (it did).
-She said I am going in the right direction and it sounds like we are reconnecting.
-She asked what would make me feel like we are H and W again and I said him sleeping in the bed, and him saying ILY. She suggested asking him to come back to the bed but said I need to be prepared for him to say no, I said I didn't think I could handle that right now, so she said to spend some time thinking about it and prepare myself. She said he might be feeling guilty and not want to be pushy, or he might be doing it out of habit, but she pointed out he moved to the sofa when things were really bad and now things seem better. About the ILY, she said she thinks it's coming but it's scary to him for some reason and she thinks he really loves me, deeply.
-She asked me to make a list of signs he is developing/working on himself: he's reconnecting with friends and family, he's looking at why he's afraid of conflict, he's been saying no and trying to people please less, he's recently saying more what he wanted and not just doing what he thought I wanted
-She said it's pretty clear that the issues were with him, and not with the M, but it seems like he's improving
-She said she has a lot of hope for us and she thinks we will be a really strong couple for having been through this and he's seeing me in a really positive light
Last edited by susana4; 03/13/1509:48 PM.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
But it was something like 
