Well my H has given me several more chances to validate. He is constantly telling me how much he misses our D. And yet he doesn't ask to make plans to see her. He is staying about 30 min away from our house. So I don't really know what is stopping him. But I don't ask. Or accuse. So I just try to validate. I just acknowledge how difficult this time is, and that I'm sorry he is hurting. I am not going to mention again my hopes that we will work on our marriage. He knows that's what I want. I have to keep reminding myself of that. There is no need for me to say it, it will only come across as pressuring him. Last night he texted me to just check in. I tried to be positive but brief. I am trying really hard to give him space and let him initiate our conversations.
In other news, I went out with my mother last night and had such a great time watching a play. Laughed more than I have in a long time and it felt great!
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Going to see my H tomorrow for the first time since he moved out. *Deep breath* My goal is to be positive and pleasant and not get into any conversations about "us".
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Went well, we actually hung out a bit after our D went to sleep. We even enjoyed each other's company. I was very calm, but he got pretty emotional at the end. Told me how he is really struggling and hurting. I tried to be as supportive as I could. I really do hate seeing him hurting, and I wish that this time apart was giving him even a little peace. But it seems to be making him even worse. I guess I might be detaching better than I thought, because when he left, I didn't really feel sad. I am okay now being alone, and have gotten used to my new normal. It is not what I want. But it is where I am at.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
It sounds like you're doing pretty well, and handled the meeting with your H just fine. Sorry to hear that he isn't finding peace apart as he may have hoped. That may give him some pause for thought, particularly if he sees you are doing well. And from your description, you do sound in quite a healthy place all things considered.
Hang on in there...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks! I don't know if I am in a healthy place of detachment or if I am in an unhealthy place of denial. I know what is happening, but I do think sometimes I prefer to forget about what is going on. I can feel myself pretending that it isn't. Especially since we have chosen to keep it fairly confidential, only telling our immediate family and a few friends. I guess there isn't much else for me to do. I can say I am prepared to accept us divorcing until I am blue in the face, but there is no way I will actually be able to fully accept it until after it is DONE. Until those papers are signed, I don't think I'll be able to fully let go. But I am as far down that road as I can be, given our situation (he hasn't filed, he seems to be lost/confused).
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
I don't know if it's because I'm so busy at work or because im getting sick but I am feeling really emotional today. It's so hard to not have the person who used to be your best friend to talk to.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
I don't know if it's because I'm so busy at work or because im getting sick but I am feeling really emotional today. It's so hard to not have the person who used to be your best friend to talk to.
It is, isn't it? The things I miss most sometimes are the little things. To have someone to talk to about who I saw at the grocery, what my mom said on the phone, what happened at work, what the kids told me, what I heard on NPR, about the new novel I'm halfway through, what I tried at the new restaurant. And I wonder why H doesn't miss those things, and then realize he has the OW.
I don't know if it's because I'm so busy at work or because im getting sick but I am feeling really emotional today. It's so hard to not have the person who used to be your best friend to talk to.
Hi Mary, The emotions will cycle as your sitch is relatively new. It is good to process all of the emotions, even though it suks.
You still keeping busy GAL? How's your baby girl doing?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
im doing good with staying busy...would actually really like a day to just relax!! Time has been going by fast, I think I've mentioned that my husband has always traveled for work so I think I've mostly been on autopilot, pretending he's just out of town....
Our little one is turning one soon! I think I am a bit emotional about that as well. It's so hard to remember that this time last year I felt like my life couldn't get any better. I was going to have a baby with the man I loved and we were both so happy and excited. And now he has left us. It just is so hard to believe sometimes. I have been making a photo book for my daughter of her first year and it is so hard to do because it is all pictures of us as a family.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Our little one is turning one soon! I think I am a bit emotional about that as well. It's so hard to remember that this time last year I felt like my life couldn't get any better. I was going to have a baby with the man I loved and we were both so happy and excited. And now he has left us. It just is so hard to believe sometimes. I have been making a photo book for my daughter of her first year and it is so hard to do because it is all pictures of us as a family.
No doubt, it is difficult to think about the affects for our children from these situations. Keep being the best mom you can be. She is still very young, so hopefully your H will come around soon.
Glad that you keep yourself busy. At some point in time, you will be able to look back with gratefulness that you stayed busy. Of course get some R&R when you can.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
