[Vanilla]

I think all humans have the same feelings, and believe we need to separate feelings from thoughts and actions. I used to confuse the two, as biological chemical bags both men and women are influenced by feelings. Women have more oestrogen and progesterone and generally men more testosterone. Many hormonal and biological differences, are not that significant, so I concern myself with locking into gender bias on most issues. Although some posters disagree strongly, I sense despite gender, age, race, etc as humans we are more biologically alike than different especially with emotions and feelings.

I explain it to myself as is if it is an old fashioned amplifier with sliders and each slider is a hormone, settings from soft to loud. Each hormone at that point is from 0-10, although it changes. When we are upset certain hormones move from 3 to 10 on the scale and we get uncomfortable. So in many ways I agree with gogo, H is having the feelings but the speakers may not be connected properly.

Perhaps H may respond to open questions with warm validation? He may need (a chance to change his tape) time out before he can answer you properly. Then just a "that's interesting" comment without judgement in response. I see my bestie who is a supremo do this with her very closed spouse, after a while he sings to the music with gusto. Try a 180, if what you do is giving inconsistent results try something different, or perhaps see what H does as just H and it's ok. Can your needs be met in a different way perhaps? is this something that you could or have done?

V