[susana4]

In regards to your rant...I apologize because I probably haven't read every post of yours, but when was the last time H actually said he didn't want to be with you since BD? I don't recall any that you've posted about.

Hi Tarheel, thanks for your reply. No need to apologize. You didn't miss it.

H and I attended MC for about a month after BD. The last time H said he didn't want to be with me was in our last MC session, when the MC asked "so is this M over then?" (Like it was a foregone conclusion...ugh! That's why I fired the MC and got a DB coach instead!) And H just said "yes". We agreed to carry on living in our current rental until I get word about my visa (probably this month or next). Since that MC session in the beginning of January, we haven't had a single R talk of any sort.

I know it's difficult to see when you're in the midst of the situation, but from an outsiders POV, things appear to be working in your favor. You two are physical, H comments you on your appearance, asks you out for pizza....stick with what you're doing and it's hard for me not to envision things working out for the best.

What you need to be patient with is something that you've already realized, but he hasn't- that he has his own issues to work through. He needs to realize, on his own timeline, that he needs to work on himself as well. I struggled with that early on too- 'if only W would wake up..' It's easy for those of us working on ourselves and getting feedback from this board to see through the fog. For the WAW/WAH, their process may take longer to work through. So all you can do is to focus on yourself and hope that H decides to do the same.

Thanks T, it is hard to see when you're in the middle of things. I can sort of feel H moving closer but then I start to second guess myself, get scared and question my perceptions.

This is a huge test for my patience! I know H has actually seen some of his faults - and I suppose I'm very lucky here; he readily admits he needs to work on his fear of conflict/arguing and his people pleasing, and he's given me some glimpses of his changes - we've had a few chats where he told me stuff he's worked on and changes he made. I suppose I don't know where that leaves him in terms of our M though, if these are just personal changes he's making or if he's reflecting on our M at all. That's where my patience really gets tested!