So much anxiety this morning. Not enough exercise in my life. I feel constantly behind. The babysitter does not fill me with confidence and I'm worried there. The mortgage woman was not encouraging about getting a mortgage soon -- I will likely have to rent for a year. Anxiety in my job. There's a lot of fear and a sense of failure welling up in me. I don't feel remotely good enough.
I also feel exposed and vulnerable at the thought of leading my family without the support of a loving spouse. I'm scared to death of the next 15 years of my life even while I think I can handle it. I am very angry at STBX's selfishness. I may get slapped down for it but I feel like it is objectively Wrong to make the choices he made -- as wrong as stealing is. I trusted him with all my heart and he PUT me in this mess. Knowingly chose to put me and the kids here. I'm feeling more than one kind of hurt.
Many people have said I should just find a nice rental and move, tell STBX to deal with selling this house and move on. Part of me agrees. The Nice Girl kicks back and says no, this has been your home, how can you be so callous towards this place that was the scene of so much intensity in your life?
How could one person do this to another? How could he inflict all this on me???
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
