Complex No. 6 - The turtle and the rabbit

[Complex]

All interaction since then is light. But she definitely opened up more, telling me little story's about work stuff/patients. It still sonehow feels like we are back to the separation thing of last year, where we mostly acted friendly and respectful, but with distance. A few weeks ago our R was rock bottom, due to me snooping and trying to control her and being completely devastated, so she just wanted to get out asap.
Now it feels like the limbo like last year. Since I don't know what's going on in her head right now (I suppose she still wants out and might move forward with the legal separation plans when I receive my greencard, most likely) and I want to keep moving on, I think I might slow down some of the contact. Even though it's only light and more frequent and positive. Maybe it's smart to pull back some more again and make her wonder what I'm doing. Make her curious. Plus I just simply want to continue what I'm doing, because it makes me feel good.
When we have those light conversations I'm always very tempted to tell her about all the things I'm doing, how busy I am. But I hold myself back very well.
It just doesn't feel right for some reason..I think I know what it is: it feels like my old R,....which I don't want anymore anyway...it'll take way more to reach a level of the type of R that I actually really want.. I think it's fine to just listen to my gut right now and do what's good for me and what works.

I mean I think pretty clear at the moment but how would you guys evaluate the latest developments?

Ps: I'm hesitant in praising the meds. They do have their minuses (not hungry enough, sex drive down), but since a few days I feel like I'm on fire. I think straight, I feel good and funnily I feel like I got smarter ha ha. My brain just works better. I feel in a way I always wanted to. Calm, confident, talkative, productive as hell, but it doesn't feel like I'm on drugs, it just feels like ME. Ok I'll bring it to the point: after all the suffering this sht works wonders!