The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Just rereading your posts above and again want to thank you. You both remind me that I am on my own journey and have been given a gift of time, a blessing during this bit of madness.

When this all blew up, I started reading MLC books like crazy. Some helped, but some actually made me feel worse, more anxious. I stopped reading for that exact reason and figured maybe later, when I am ready. One thing I know for sure, this site has helped me more than any book, friend or therapist.

You all have taught me how important it is to let go. To let go of my fear, to let go of trying so hard to fix this. To let go of my H and give him the time and space he needs right now. I am able to do that out of an unconditional love I never knew I had in me, that you all helped to bring out. I am angry with him, but I love him, I am here for him and plan on continuing to stand because I believe in him and us.

Another thing your postings have taught me is compassion and patience. I have learned to use these traits daily in my life. I work in a busy and high stress field, in escrow, and in the past would get very frustrated with interruptions by people that would keep me from getting my work done. Today, my boss complimented me, said she is amazed at how much patience I have shown that is reflected in my daily customer service with people in this past year. While I am trying to get my files closed, random people are constantly walking in, needing this or that. With property issues, there are usually death and divorce issues. I now stop and really listen, do my best to help them with what they need, with a genuine concern. I would have never gotten here, without this experience. I see this compassion come out in me, every day in different ways, with friends, my pets, and it feels good.

So I hurt, And sometimes I cry and sometimes I punch my pillow and wonder what I did to deserve this. But most days, actually almost every day, I look at this as a really tough learning experience. A big life lesson. So I pay attention, listen and do my best to grasp what it is I need to learn from this and change about myself. I learn by making a change and realizing how good it feels to me. I see a new person emerging out of me and she is pretty cool.

Thank you guys, for standing by me, supporting me and listening to me. I don't post very much, I don't feel like I can really give much advise as I am still learning. However I root for you all and appreciate all the postings and opinions on here.