My Wife Wants to Work on Things - Any Advice?

[Sherman333]

Well tonight was interesting. I got home late and we ended up talking again. She went though a lot of discussion where she talked about turning into her mother and how she is afraid that she'll look back and realize she ruined our marriage because of her issues... that I pulled away and she lost attraction for me.

She says that she doesn't trust love and doesn't love herself. That she's always looking for proof that it's fake, then attacks relentlessly to prove it's false. She feels remorse afterwards, but can't stop herself.

This is what made me pull away from her. There's only so much someone can take.

I'm not sure about the next part though... I told her about my plans for next week and who they were with. Things went downhill from there. Lunch is with a female friend I haven't seen in a long time. My wife knows I had a mild interest in her from back when we first got together. She said I can't believe you're going on a date so soon. I explained to her that what the f*ck did she expect? She's been messaging me for weeks now and making plans for us to divorce. That it's been pretty brutal, but that I was working on the next portion of my life without her. I know from an attraction perspective, this is a good thing (competition).

Let's say her normal behavior came back full force and she through some details of the EA at me. I left and came back maybe 10 minutes later after I'd had a chance to think. My question was if she was making plans to leave right after the Disney trip... she said no, but that's when she wanted to start moving forward with everything.

She's been making these plans for a while. So she used my bonus to get a new wardrobe, new purses (~$700 worth), shoes and other crap. So she's a rat.

Then she proceeded to tell me how she needs time to get setup financially so she can live in the area. Otherwise she has to move to Jackson and she would fight for the kids. She wants shared custody and no child support.

I can't tell how much of what was said is make-believe and what's real with her. She says she's yo-yoing and dragging me with her.

She did say she expects the other woman to go "gaga" over me.
And the that she thought I really wanted her and this proves otherwise (guilt-trip). Lately, another crazy thing she's doing when I do something she doesn't like is verbally "give me permission". So she gave her permission to go on my "date".

I feel very used, don't want her in the house, or on the trip. I want the woman I married. Not this person I'm with. But This is soo bullshit.

Can someone give me a link on where to find the stages of the EA/PA? The DB/DR books are all out of stock around here and I've been afraid to order them.