For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife

[PatientMan]

In this example, I can take a stab at what might be happening:

-If you ignore the note, you're a jerk who doesn't want to communicate or help out.
-If you acknowledge the note, but don't do what it says, you're a jerk who intentionally doesn't help out.
-If you write her a note back, then you're being snide and a jerk.
-If you take out the trash then you're a doormat.

Am I missing anything?

Regardless, if you are in a situation where the game is rigged so that you cannot win, it ultimately doesn't matter. It only matters that you stay true to yourself, your morals, your boundaries, your version of YOU that you can live with.

The irony life provides with respect to this perspective is this: that's the healthiest and most attractive version you can be! It doesn't matter what she thinks. Just because what you do technically falls under one of the headings I listed doesn't mean you've fallen for the trap and are now exactly as she defines you: either a jerk or a doormat. You be you. The rest will take care of itself.

Let her stay over there and waste her time "making a case" against you, an awesome guy having an awesome time who couldn't care less about a meaningless "case". She's the one missing out.

-PM

Edit: and now I'm remembering that this isn't my thread and I don't want to muddy up sandi's waters. I'll quiet down now.