He was disappointed that I said no to the electronics. Beyond that I couldn't read him, but I don't care. He doesn't have to live with the consequences of unlimited electronics. I notice also that he hasn't made ANY effort to compensate for the limitations I've placed on devices either. Not even by trying to FaceTime them through my phone or iPad.
My co-worker said that she thought he was doing as well as he is equipped to do, which I acknowledge is probably true even while I don't care to be OK with that. The Thanksgiving after I found out about the A, his sister and her husband (STBX's best friend since middle school) were laughing about the difference between my in-laws' family gatherings and the husband's family gatherings. At my in-laws' gatherings everybody stands around watching TV or football and drinking beer and wine. At the other family's gatherings people play games, sing songs together, listen to the talented musicians in their family play instruments, etc. They thought it was funny.
Now that I'm living with the consequences of those differences, I don't see it as funny. I see it as really sad. It is robbing my kids of their dad and their dad of his kids. But... no longer my monkey or my circus.
I've been thinking about the summer scheduling conflict we have WRT D11 and I've decided... one of the things the therapist said is that she's really starved for my undivided attention. So if STBX sticks with his decision to keep his plans, take the boys down to visit his family and fly D11 back (her missing the family vacation time), then I'm going to let that happen without objection. I'm going to take advantage of the one-on-one time with her and see if we can't have a ton of fun together, girls on the town without the boys.
However, I'm going to make HIM explain to her why he won't be spending vacation time with her this year. Perhaps that will make him think a little bit. She needs him too.
I talked to a mortgage person today and was more specific about my conversation with the realtor. Renting for a year or two is starting to look likely. That would be disappointing but, well, you can't have everything. I worry that D11 will have gone through her childhood a little too much like mine, where she couldn't feel settled and get a base beneath her till she's a teenager (and even then I didn't feel like I had a base, but that's a different story...) This is not the life I wanted for her. SO, SO not the life I wanted for her. If she could only know how far short I've fallen in what I thought I'd be able to give her when she was born... well, she'd probably use it against me and try to extort electronic devices out of me in exchange, so it's just as well she doesn't know.
Happy Thursday!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
