Newbie needs advice and encouragement

[Kramer]

Newest developments:

I am so upset, frustrated, sad, and angry right now. Add confused to the mix as well. I could really use some insight and advice from you all.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, wife has now moved out to a new house and filed for divorce (January), although I still have not been served. I have been trying to limit conversations to strictly legal issues and am working on moving forward in my life. I continue with IC and GAL, and am still a part of her children's lives. She has completely written my children off since January.

Weird dynamics at play recently. We will be emailing or texting about a legal issue, and she goes off on a tangent. Most recently she says that I am always travelling, and she would never do that without me. WTF? You filed for divorce and moved out. You are still seeing OM.

She has dragged her feet and refused to provide her input regarding division of property. There was some verbal agreement on most items, and I took those items and placed them in storage before she moved. We have an SUV that is in both of our names, and we both want it. We each have our own cars, but I use the SUV to transport my bicycle for riding, and have also been using it for moving things recently. When she left, she took it with her. I didn't fight her, but told her that this would need to be negotiated as part of the divorce proceedings. I have been telling her for 3-4 days that I needed to use it, and she has not responded. I went to her house and got it last night with my spare key. Would you believe that she had placed a steering wheel lock on it? Lucky for me, it was not sized correctly, and was easily removed. I did my moving, and she then sent her 17 year old son to my house to retrieve the vehicle that night. No conversations with me. I had a lengthy talk with him, and although he was quite angry, he eventually settled down. She is using him as her pawn and involving him in things that should be between me and her. That is reprehensible, as far as I am concerned. I let him take the SUV because I did not want to escalate the drama. I emailed her and texted her, and told her that we needed to talk, and she didn't respond.

I called her this morning, and we had a lengthy conversation. She (of course) denied knowing anything about what happened. She denied receiving my texts regarding use of the vehicle. She tried to use guilt by saying that I was being selfish, and should let her have the vehicle (as well as me take most of our bills) because I treated her so poorly during our marriage. Again, WTF? I reminded her that if she was truly that unhappy for so long, that she should have done something about it at the time. She gave no inkling of being miseable until I discovered her affair. Then it was full steam ahead with moving, divorce, and rewriting history. I also reminded her that it was her that initiated divorce proceedings, and that I am simply responding. I have not yelled or been disrespectful, but I have been very clinical and regimented with my responses. California is a community property state, and our assets and bills will be divided equally. I refuse to be guilted into taking more than my fair share of the bills, and I will also be petitioning for half of her retirement. Please keep in mind that I NEVER would have responded like this until she filed divorce and had her affair. I explained to her that these are unpleasant things to discuss, but that they are a necessary part of the divorce process.

My frustrations are multiple:

1. Why does she keep trying to make me feel guilty about moving forward with my life, after she initiated these proceedings?
2. How can I have these conversations with her without coming across as a d1ck?
3. How can I maintain the high road without being drawn into petty side arguments about our relationship issues?

That's it for now. Any insight would be most appreciated. We are supposed to talk again tonight, but who knows if that will happen?