The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Cali. Your voice is kind of deep, very comforting and nice, not to get too mushy! Lol. Your comment made me bust up.

Thank you Cali and Jer2911 for both of your posts. One thing I see loud and clear is the message that I need to take the focus off H and "why" and put it back on me. I seem to have gotten a little derailed again.

I guess part of the problem for me is that I really don't know much about H childhood. I really thought I was joining a family who had it all together, something I never had. I was way off. H doesn't talk about himself much. I know he lost his best friend in high school, was a freak accident with his heart. And I know he was not happy when his parents divorced, he was out of school I believe. But he never said much more than that. I assume one of those major things, or both, he never really got over. And over the years, I have realized he has no relationship with his 2 sisters, his mom is extremely passive aggressive and "fake happy", and his dad is a bit in denial of his son and hard to please. So I gather his childhood had some hefty issues going on and I see a real lack of connection in his family.

I will refocus on me and try to stop figuring this out. On a better note, I get the feeling I am crossing H's mind lately. The other day he TM that he was driving in SF. It's an inside joke of sorts as he HATES driving in SF. So I replied some funny comments back. Then last night he brought me some suckers from See's candy. Said he got all the favors because he doesn't know what I like. I am not reading into it, may just be temp checking, but it means I cross his mind which I think is good.

So I will keep on keeping on. Anger is there, but in check. No use letting it out on H. That reminds me. I had a headache last night, went to grab some Tylenol, it's all gone. We had about 3 giant Costco containers of different pain meds, they are all gone. I thought to myself, what the *ell did I do to you that was so bad!!?. He couldn't just leave me 1 bottle, or a few pills out of it!? Gggrrrrrrr