Need Help!!!

[PatientMan]

I saw a cell phone number on the desk. So I did a reverse look up on it. It was a an older divorced man. He is 51 my W is only 36. Let me add him and his parents and sister all have gone to my W's office since the beginning. My wife also told me on Monday she signed up to do a race, when I looked at the roster he was also doing it. Then I looked up his name in the system at work and saw that he was in the office a few weeks ago but there was charge for the appointment.

So after collecting all of this information I confronted my W about it. She says there is nothing there. She did not charge him for his appointment because it was a very small filling touch up and the entire family goes there. She then said she does not talk to him but has always been friends with his sister. Which is true. She says the sister gave her his number if she had any questions about the process of a divorce since he divorced more recently then her. W swears she never called him even to ask questions.

I still think she seems guilty but if I continue pushing the issue we would be done for sure.

She once again said we will never get back together and I said here is your chance to come clean. If you are even emotionally with someone else tell me now and I will give up on our marriage.

1) You're too emotionally involved. Detach.

2) Is her infidelity a deal-breaker for you?

Are you sure?

Physical or emotional or either?

It seems you are LOOKING for a reason to be done, and even if you aren't, you are giving her valuable ammunition against you, either to get rid of you or just to hurt you.

Are these goals your intent?

If no, then you need to adjust. If yes, then I really don't know what you're doing or why. Maybe you're too scared to break it off yourself. Maybe you want it to be her fault and not yours. Maybe you're just hurt and frightened and don't really know what you're doing. I don't know, I'm just speculating and trying to facilitate you thinking about WHY you're doing WHAT you're doing.

3) Are you acting honorably? Are you confident in every action you take? If not, make it so. Once you've made it so, BE confident.

She does not have the power to affect you. Clear?

This does not mean you are a mindless, cold robot. It means you are calm and collected, cool as a cucumber. This is suggestion #2 from my first link.

This is difficult...I know. But you've read the links - it's time you start applying them.

-PM

Edit: let me add, I am less concerned that you are looking into possible infidelity. That is fine (contrary to what some may say), but only if you are emotionally healthy enough to handle it. Many aren't. Your reactions are a good barometer.