[gogofo]

Susana

I think that rants are good, it gets out what is inside of you in a controlled way. Way better than unloading on you H.

In your rant your description of some issues were again things I had done. I was scared to argue, I didn't like it. I gave up hobbies, time with friends. I over committed to the M and spent too much time with my W.

I never got resentful about it, but I think in looking back that it made me sad.

I don't see some of the things you husband said as negative. Remember he speaks a different language than you. Have you read that book about venus and mars? It could be a good insight to you. Men don't use the same word choices that women use.

I am also biased against a man's ability to properly express his feelings. We are not brought up sharing feelings, we talk about actions. I would say when he compliments loving living with you and compliments you directly, I interpret these as loving phrases. I think men are dense when trying to understand feelings. I think it takes men a LONG time to understand how they feel deep down. We are not taught how to do that and are even taught how NOT to do it when we grow up.

Do his actions feel loving? Men tend to get physical then emotionally connected while women do the opposite.

I think your H is stuck in knowing how to deal with a mature relationship.

Is this his first adult R? Is this your first adult R? Mine was. I was a virgin, by choice (not religious) when I got M. I think when one person has not been in an adult R or through a bad R they don't have a good base about how to deal with a R. I know I didn't want to argue because I am non-confrontational by nature and I also would be scared that it meant the end of the R.

Keep up you PMA, from what I see you are doing a great job.