She is convinced, that the kids will be ok and a divorce is not a big deal for them. The separation counselor told her the opposite. He explained the trouble the kids would experience and the lifelong wounds. She just ignores it. It seems that she has designed a fantasy future without any problems. “She became a successful art therapist, is independent, but has a great looking husband with the perfect character. The father of her children is a close friend. He and the new husband spent much time together. The kids are thankful for the separation and this new life full of opportunities. The XH has married again, and his wife and me can talk about everything.”
Did she really write this or are you guessing that is what she wants?
Originally Posted By: koalada
When I read the above, I notice that it sounds confusing. Well, it is confusing right now.
Let me be clear. It is confusing. She is completely confused. I would go a step further and say she is completely detached or dissociated from reality. A "great looking husband with the perfect character" would not have an A or break up a family. Also haw could she know about this other person's character if she never met him? Are you sure they have not met? It is not clear from your original post - is this OM real or imagined?
Originally Posted By: koalada
There are thousand thoughts and ideas in my head. I don't want to mess this up.
It is ok and normal to have these thoughts in your head. You life has been turned upside down. But please, Do NOT share any thoughts with her right now. The best thing you can do right now is give her space. She seems to have a lot to sort out. I would defer to the other heavyweights on this site, but I think you should stop facilitating her fantasies and stop "sepearation counselling" it is not helping your sitch at all, and you need to start working on yourself. Just my opinion.
Divorce is a big horrific terrible deal, but you will not be able, nor should you try, to convince your wife of this. I tried it and it was a waste of time. She is very out of touch with reality right now.
