Just to build on this point, a personal experience from a woman's POV:
My H is a workhorse. His stability and work ethics were the top two reasons I was attracted to him in the first place. In 2010, and without my full support, he changed jobs and industries (in an effort to "find happiness") and took a massive paycut (about 50%). Our house almost ended up in foreclosure because we could not keep our heads above water, and H didn't seem to care. It wasn't feasible for me to go back to work because my S8 was still a toddler, and my wages would have done little more than pay for childcare. (I would also later discover I was pregnant with D3.)
I lost an enormous amount of respect for H during that time. And, looking back, it's exactly when everything in our M started going downhill, leading to BD and the A in 2014.
But here's the kicker: By 2014, H was back to working two jobs ... both of which were in the industry he had left in 2010. We were caught up on bills and even started having enough to enjoy life a little again. That stability was enough to keep me solidly planted in our M and for H to earn back some of the respect I had lost for him in the years prior. But I had stopped meeting HIS needs in the meantime. And - wham! - the BD and A. Vicious cycle.
All that to say: it's true. Women really and truly value financial stability. We seem hard-wired for that, for better or worse. And I may be reaching here, but judging from personal experience and discussions I've had with H since he's been back home, I think men are hard-wired to provide and to succeed. And if a man feels his W is the breadwinner or more successful than he is, professionally? Sometimes - perhaps without even noticing it - I think it can damage his ego and his self-confidence. And if that's the case, he will have entered the nasty, vicious cycle. Because a woman loves and admires a *confident* man.
This one really hit something for me. Not that I was a couch potato by any means ... back in 2009 she lost her job and was out of work for over a year, I worked my normal 40 and picked up DJ gigs ... 3 nights a week to try and save the house. After she found work .. it was touch and go, she hated the places she worked and bounced around for 3-4 years (Was one of these places she met OM) so during that time I wanted to move into something else but her sitch was not stable so I opt'd to stay and be under paid/under employed because it was secure.
Reading your sitch .. maybe there is a parrallel there ... not sure. I acutally started a new job, better pay, much better place for me about 3 weeks prior to BD, since then I have been promoted and 2 large pay raises, she does not know of the pay increases ... not like we have ever really talked about me and my life in a year ... lol.
Anyways .. this post made me realize there was some built up resentment from her, and with MLC they forget the circumstances, toss logic out the window and only focus on what they want to use to justify the inner monster ...
