My Wife Wants to Work on Things - Any Advice?

[Sherman333]

As for the OM, from what she's confessed so far there doesn't seem to be a physical affair. It was more emotional with her boss. He's the head of the HR department (she works in HR) and he actually told her that if she gets a divorce, that he gets first dibs (I have a lot choice thoughts on this).

Fundamentals are depression for a lot of the marriage and I joined her in it. She got a new job last Nov and that's when everything started coming to a head. Neither of us can stand it the way it was

I started sexting with someone in another city last year (from being very unhappy) and she found out; I've been open with her about it and stopped it. I seriously thought about BD last year too. I'm not lilly white in this either (and yes I mean to own my issues). .

Last week she wanted to date other people and this week she wants to put things back together. She has a party she's going to for a former professor tomorrow night and I made plans I'm going to keep for next weekend; this is another 180. Lunch with one friend and a beer with another; neither of which I've seen in a long time, but they're about an hour from where I live. So I'll be gone most of the day. She knows that I was going to make plans, but not any of the specifics yet. I'll tell her tonight.

The visit to the lawyer went well. He's pretty clued into relationships, genuinely seems to support marriage, and didn't hesitate to push me a little on some of my contributions to the issues. So I like him

My therapy session starts tomorrow. I know there are good therapists and bad therapists. We're in the wait and see game to see how serious she is. I've asked her to give me a list of approved counselors/Psychologists from her insurance and between the lawyer (who's interacted with a lot of the therapists) and possibly the lady I see tomorrow (assuming she's not a quack) I'll pair down the list to who's good and then my wife can pick who works best for her.

This is more of a 180 for me. Leadership in the relationship vs. being more passive and I know theres a line between this an control. She's free to choose on her own who she wants to see. These are only educated suggestions.