Mozza (10) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Train | Thank you so much. What a fantastic post of hope and trust. These are the two tings that my heart wants more than anything, but my head is not there. Part of me wants to shut the door on her for good because I truly believe no one, not even me, will make her faithful and committed for more than 5 years. But another part of me is in love with her (still...) and hopes to reconcile and live the rest of our lives together. I was able to forgive her first A on the spot because I couldn't bear the thought of being without her and I feel like she still has this power over me and will always be because I value commitment more than her, who values passion first.

It's interesting that you're dealing now with the cause of the A. I'm concerned that in my case it's unworkable. We haven't had much of a talk about it, but she gave me the same reason both times: lack of passion. Do I have any chance of being in a long term relationship with kids and feed the passion for ever and ever? There can certainly be improvements on my part, with or without her, but I will never be perfect, routine sets in and I don't want to live in the fear that a slip on my part means she will cheat or leave.

I disagree or don't understand when you say that it won't matter if she cheats again because I will be my best self and know that I'll be fine if she leaves again ("But once you find yourself, you won't be saddled - or at least feel burdened - with the same questions you have right now. Because you KNOW you'll be okay, no matter who (or where) your W ends up being."). I know that I'll be fine and always have, time heals everything. Yet, I never want to hurt like this again. Also, I value commitment and long term relationships and I want to be with the same person for as long as possible, support and trust her. To me, every year adds value to a R, and I want to be with someone who shares this assessment.

Mach1 | Thanks for your post. If it doesn't show that I do all of this for myself, then I'm not communicating well. Again, I give my W no way of even seeing my changes. I don't see a contradiction between working on myself and reflecting on her nature. I don't dwell on her every move (I try not to know about it), I think about whether that's someone I want in my life and that seems central to my sitch. I wouldn't stop saving myself and improving even if I decided to never let her back, should she ask. Let's face it though: I'm Divorce Busting because I hope to Bust my Divorce. As Train's post shows, people with serial cheaters struggle with that question.


rppfl | Yes, it's hard to be in love, especially when it's not reciprocated. I had my first girlfriend at 20, so you can imagine that I spent the years from 12 to 20 yo in this situation, including the sensitive teen years. It leaves traces and one of them is that I find it normal and acceptable to be in love with someone who does not love me back; I don't detach easily and I don't feel like there are many other options. I was never dumped though, so this feeling now is a new experience.

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PMA Report | Yesterday, we passed the six months mark of my S. It feels like a milestone. I wonder why I'm still so sad, but six months is not a long time to get over a M. I also read an article suggesting it takes some 18 months, so I will just accept my emotions for a while. I'm much better than four or five months ago anyway. Still, I plan to bring up my sadness with my IC today.

Detachment report | W and I barely get in touch, even about the kids, so I was surprised to get a text at around midnight yesterday telling me that there was a fire near her place and that she was fine. It turned out to be far enough from her place. For a long while after she left, she turned to me for questions of safety. I'm surprised that she did again yesterday. I cried a little as I always do when I hear from her and then fell asleep. I only responded this morning, thanking her for the info.

GAL Report | A close friend took me to a sports game on Tuesday evening. It was a great activity, even though I don't follow sports much. We had excellent tickets. I'm really grateful to have friends like this who are very supportive and present. Other than that, I have the kids this week, so other than working and keeping them happy (fed, rested, clean, amused, etc...), I don't GAL all that much during the week.