My goodness, I am out for one day and look what I miss! You have received strong support from Vanilla. If you don't mind me saying so, I am proud of you overcoming your fear enough to make a stand.
You did the right thing by telling her daughter the truth. I forget the ages of the younger ones, but her grown kids need to know what's going on, b/c your WW will lie to them and paint you as a monster. Do not cover up for her. With little kids, you have to use age appropriate language, but do not make it sound as if any of this had to do with daddy. And don't say anything about one stopped loving the other. I think that excuse causing more anguish for kids than if parents told them that mommy wants to see OM.
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And now texting me wanting me to get her birth certificate out and marriage license so she can go back to her maiden name because I am done with her.
This is complete WW tactics. And if she wants her BC & ML, she needs to put her big girl panties on and get them herself. Her main reason to text you was to lay another guilt trip on you. And, that was the very part you responded to.
Part of your fear, and it's why you continue to reassure her....that you don't want the M to end. She knows it, okay? Please drop the reassurance lines. The WW needs to believe you have had enough and she is loosing you. If you are constantly reminding her she isn't loosing you....then she won't respect what you are wanting for the M & family.
Her game is to twist this all around to make it sound that you are being mean. She will try to make the kids believe she "had" to take that job b/c of "you". And now you are jealous and being mean and kicking her out of her home. In the meantime, she will play on your guilt at every turn. Remember me telling you that a WW uses guilt as their number one instrument to dig at the LBH.
Your immediate problem will be your fear trying to creep back in to paralyze you. The stronger the reality of her leaving, and taking your son, the more you will struggle with doubts of your action/boundary. It is normal to have these emotions, just do not cave on it.
Why do you just assume she gets to take the kid and leave with him? You are just as much his parent as she is. You are the one providing him with a home and safe environment.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
