An affair, is a symptom, its a crappy one, its a horrible one, but its also just another step in a pattern of things that usually happen in a an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.
I respectfully disagree. And in good company. The late great Frank Pittman, among many other relationship counsellors, did not consider an affair, adultery, call it what you will, to be a symptom of the marriage but of an individual's unhappiness and their failure to deal with it. It is a poor and immature way of dealing with it to blame the marriage.
Blaming the marriage lets them off the hook. Let's not buy into it here please in a divorce busting site.
I am not saying we were perfect or that the relationship was.
Speaking strictly from personal experience -- in our sitch the R/M was really good until the depression/MLC hit and the affair "just happened" between what I really can now see as the overlap between Anger & Replay. Not saying we didn't have issues -- but nothing deal-breaking and certainly nothing that couldn't be fixed with some professional help (ex: communication patterns).
Sorry to high-jack the thread Cali :-)
BTW -- you posted on my thread yesterday something about seeing some posts re: MLCers' perceptions of us relevant to jobs/employment... Where did you see that? I'm really curious.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
