Having a rough morning. I should probably not be here right now because I am totally backlogged at work - but that is part of the problem. I will be as brief as possible.
My ability to handle typical work circumstances/stressors was never that great. Now, when I am overwhelmed at work - still digging out from being on service, the stress is compounded by the fact that I no longer have a partner on whom to lean - perhaps G-d is telling me that I was co-dependent. My stress is also worsened because I can't seem to focus. So much of my time is spent looking inward (pathetic, I know) and perseverating on how my life and relationship took a turn for the worse.
My next mediation meeting is next week. I feel totally unprepared and I don't even have a clue how to prepare. Any suggestions would be appreciated. PLEAAAASE!!! If any knows of any resources, guides for how to "win" at mediation, please let me know.
My S12s bar-mitzvah is coming up in less than two months and I have to work with my estranged W to plan it. Even though we want a very modest event, we are inviting a lot of out of town guests, making it more complicated. I do not want to even see her, let alone work with her. I feel like she is not doing her share of things, but perhaps this is my bias and I need to see it that way.
My only sanity-sparing GAL activity was marred this week: my early 6AM learning partner wants to dump me, or seriously curtail our learning hours because of my tardiness and many no-shows. I am hurt.
Tax season is upon us and I took responsability for filing this year. Usually she would do it, but I am trying to stand on my own. I have not been able to work on it because of all the other things. I feel like W is waiting for me to screw up so she can have the satisfaction of knowing that I need her. Do I need her? Do I need a partner in life. I think I do.
I have not been to the gym in weeks because I am running in circles trying to catch up on work, see my kids, work on the Bar-Mitzvah. So I am not even allowing myself that luxury.
To top it off, this AM, my W left me a note stating "Can you please bring garbage bin to curb. Thank you." She is home all day. Not sure why she is asking me. I Feel like telling her to do it herself, but I did it anyway.
