[susana4]

Help!! I am really bad at this no ML thing. I nearly relapsed tonight!

(Warning: might get a bit graphic)

H went out for drinks and came back fairly late. I'd made a nice dinner and baked muffins so I already knew between that and turning him down last night, he would probably try to get me to have sex. He was also eyeing me up a lot and was pretty touchy the whole night, brushing against me and touching me when speaking.

When he came to say good night, he gave me a hug and then carried on holding me and just looked me in the eye and asked if he could pleasure me. I laughed and said no, not tonight, he was drunk and why didn't we see how we felt about things another time when he was sober. He kissed me. Then I did Starsky's line (thanks!) "why dont you take your drunk big head and your little head out to the sofa." That made him laugh, but then he kissed me again, and we ended up making out like teenagers for about 2 hours. It was seriously like being a teenager, he kept trying to get handsy and I kept pushing him away.

I know it's bad but I found it sooooo hard to resist. Anyway if you guys got one thing right it's that he definitely followed me around like a puppy with its tongue out after I said no. Seriously, he was lying next to me on the bed BEGGING me to let him pleasure me, he seriously said "I don't care if you don't touch me, I don't care if there's nothing in it for me, please just let me be your f*** toy and let me make you happy". Omfg did that take a lot of willpower for me to turn down! I just repeated "you're drunk, let's see how we feel another time when you're sober".

Eventually after a lot of back and forth and making out and him trying to get handsy and me pushing him away and me teasingly telling him to get his drunk head out to the sofa, I finally pushed him away, and he kissed me and said good night and left.

Man, was that hard. Guys, I don't know what to do. I have a really hard time turning down ML. I have a extremely high sex drive and PT is one of my LL and this is d@mn hard!

Advice? 2x4s? What should I do if he tries it again? And what if he tries to ML sober? Then do I bring up the loving part? I didn't say that tonight (seems like R talk?).