The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Lots going on in my head these last few days. I'm not sure why, might just be hormonal, not sure.

Still riding on a high PMA. Love, love, love my home these days. It's back to being a home again. I was a little worried about how I would feel once H moved, but a month and a half into it, I think it is the best gift he has given me in years. Not that I want any of this, but in dealing with the man he has become. It's best he "finds himself" somewhere else. I feel daily gratitude that I don't have it in my face anymore.

With that being said, I also am experiencing the anger feelings again. I think of him, and see a person who's marriage got a little tough, a lot boring, so decided on flight instead of fight. Someone who decided to throw in the towel and contemplate starting a new life. Who thinks of marriage and commitment, loyalty and faithfulness, as something you give up when times get tough. It infuriates me. I am so disappointed in him, and my mistake, should I have seen this coming? Who did I marry?

Then, I hear your voices. Ya, you actually have voices to me I hear, this is an illness. A type of depression. Something I could not have seen coming. Something that would have happened anyway. Most of the time, I can understand this. Then I have these days....

If anyone can suggest any good books to help me more to understand what H may be going through, I would love to know. I am an avid reader and want to learn more about this. I believe I am starting on a healing process. I have accepted the situation, I guess I am trying to understand it so I don't have these hateful feelings for someone I love so much.