Abuse does not happen overnight. Yes there are sometimes little red flags that are missed earlier on but abuse is usually subtle at first and builds up over time. If we are not careful the abuser slowly chips away at our sense of self. They tend to try and isolate you from those that would recognise the abuse and say something. Most abusers are very charming at the beginning. They have all this crap stuffed inside of them that they don't want to deal with so their release target becomes us.
I was told by a therapist that my first H. would eventually become physically abusive if he did not get help. His anger was never his fault. He always blamed everything and everyone else. What made me change and leave was the fact that my Father was an abusive man with anger issues and I realized I had become conditioned to accept unacceptable behavior. I also forgave to easily. Once I had kids and his anger ( my ex ) was directed at them my Mamma bear instinct would not allow it. Plus his anger and behavior had slowly but surely killed any romantic love feelings I had.
My leaving was good for all of us. My kids grew up happy and healthy. My ex eventually got the help he needed. It gets better V. I know you know that.
Enjoy the new hair do!
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
