Well, it's awesome to know that you have support - including the kind offered by the former Ms. Wonka. Although I'm in a different set of shoes, I can appreciate how positive it is to be supported by those around us. I'm glad of that for you.
Experience has taught me that steep learning curves are tough but usually life altering ones, and ones with lessons that have long term effects. Overall, positive ones. I'm sorry that it's been so grueling.
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For some reason, I was able to recall how I couldn't cope with dirty dishes during my MLC phases. I literally would just walk away from the dining room after a family meal/holiday/event so someone will need to step in and do them.
I think this generally illustrates our human tendency to avoid pain by walking away. I think it manifests itself in a variety of ways. For example, while I never physically walked out on my family, there *were* periods where I had emotionally checked out and wasn't a spouse or parent who was giving a level of effort that is expected. That was in the later half of my 30s, and I kind of cringe when I think about some of the specifics. I do believe looking back that it was a crisis that didn't go deep and the collateral damage was much less than when Mr. Wonderful walked out. At any rate, you weren't the first to be overwhelmed by life, and you won't be the last.
The positive is that you're in a much better place to offer assistance. And the better news is that you're willing to do it. So applaud yourself for being diligent in understanding how you got where you are.
I told a friend earlier today that I think this decade (50s) is probably the toughest yet. We're kind of the sandwich generation - taking care of older parents/relatives while still trying to take care of kids, holding down demanding jobs and hoping like hell we won't drop dead of a heart attack. I wish I were kidding...
Anyway, I'm glad you can be there for your stepmother.
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I've found that Ms. Wonka has been incredibly supportive and validating to me throughout this process. Isn't she reading the DB book now??!
This is a testimony of the path you've taken, my dear. Healing has occurred and you've both grown. I've found it interesting that nearly all my relationships are supportive and validating. But maybe because I've put forth an effort to be that way with others too? What goes around comes around?
Funny you mention the epiphany. I had a little one this morning sitting at a long stop light on my way to work. Out of the blue, I uttered aloud, "Thank you for not making me assume executorship at the same time I'm going through this guardianship crap. I don't think I could have managed this." Ten years ago, I would have. But I wasn't in touch with how I felt, and I'd have been pushing aside how I feel in the name of getting everything accomplished. Being older and wiser is a really good thing. I just wish I had my 42 year old body and flexibility???
If anything, Wonka, my guess is that this process will further drive in the importance of cherishing each moment and loving your stepmother as long as she's here to accept your offer?
Hugs- Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
