We ended up having our planned conversation by phone later in the day. We agreed in the abstract to work on boundaries and security in parallel, but to give each other some time to think abt exactly what that would look like before coming back to together and sharing our ideas.
So I let him be for a few days and then we had lunch. We had good conversation but I felt that he was not himself. I asked him if he had really let go of what had happened the other night after dinner. He said that he had and asked me why I thought he hadn't. I told him that I thought I noticed a change in how he interacted with me. H denied holding a grudge but gave me the old, "Everything WAS okay until you said something!" bit, which I have to say I don't believe for one second. We had a little argument at the table and then he just got up and left in the middle of the conversation. The whole thing went from pleasant lunch to walking out in less than 5 minutes. I followed him out in to the parking lot and he just kept walking. He shouted back to me that we would talk later. I sent him a very short email asking if we could schedule a time to talk. He never replied.
I saw him a few hours later at kid exchange, and he was still upset. He told me that he nothing to give but said that he would call me in the morning on his way to work. (His suggestion -- and he wonders why I have trouble understanding his boundaries???) He called as promised and we had a decent conversation -- mutual apologies, a recommitment to working on boundaries/security and an agreement to clarify expectations in a later conversation. I asked H if he could offer any reassurance and he said he needed time to process. Later in the day, he called me back to let me know that he loved me, and we when we met for kid exchange he got out of the car and gave me a hug. I told him thank you and that he was doing all the right things.
And then I let him be again for a few days. We planned the follow-up conversation for Sunday night. On Sunday he texted me and asked if we could meet for coffee in the morning instead because he was really tired. I said that would be fine.
Aaaaand I'm out of time again -- be back to wrap up soon!
