Wife says she's out the door

[Sherman333]

This week after I kicked her out of the bedroom (wanting to date others), I've been getting into work early and staying late for a function we're putting on. So she's had an opportunity to miss me. She says it's been good.

I spoke with her estranged son last night about some of what's been happening. He said that he's seen it all before. He was hoping she'd grown enough that she had gotten past it. He was sad for the situation and offered to testify if it comes to that. She estranged from her entire family.

Last night we had a conversation. I owed her an explanation on something and did so. We ended up in a R talk focused on the anger issues. They play a central role in all the crap. She stated that she's been feeling better in the spare bedroom, that it reminders her of a difficult time when she was a girl, but was comforting.

I told her that she should consider counseling for our son and she agreed (at least last night).

She also told me that her boss told her he get dibs if she gets divorced and this is what accelerated everything. She says he's a good friend and she is attracted to him. She also said that she knows she would destroy that relationship too. That she's worried that she's going to be unhappy with everything for the rest of her life... just like her mom. She then proceeded to tell me some of what she needs for her future... that she has to have things to look forward to, trips, travel, doing things with just us and no kids. That the kids ruin the adult time.

She also volunteered on her own that we both have work to do on ourselves. That she keeps yoyoing and dragging me with her. That she vacillates between staying and going. She's afraid that things will go back to the way they were. I agreed with her and told her I can't accept them that way either.

She also told me that she wants the passion back that we had at the beginning. I'm focused on building attraction and she's given me hints that there's a little something happening, but nothing overwhelming yet.

This morning started out well, but there was an earlier miscommunication from weeks ago on a trip we're taking that I tried talking to her about. I slipped up on a 180 and used some of the trigger phrases from before and things spiraled out of control a bit. I even pointed out that we're doing our dance and attempted to "redo" what I had said. She kept her cool for a bit... but soon started attacking me... about how incompetent I was, can't do anything right, blah, blah. Nothing as bad as it was before. I disengaged stating that I will fix the issue and that we'd talk when she'd calmed down.

She kept talk about how crappy I was, etc. So I finished getting ready for work and left after saying goodbye to the boys. She called me annoyed that I hadn't said goodbye to her as well and then tried to guilt me into feeling bad about all kinds of stuff. I calmly stated that I won't put up with the being put down (a good 180).

When I got to work, I fixed the issue and forwarded the results to her with an explanation. She emailed me back saying that this makes her very happy that its taken care of.

If she goes to the counselor, then this would be very good regardless of where we end up.