So after asking W to respect my space and not enter the house while I was out of town, I found out that she did. S12 had to practice his instrument, which was at the house, so she waited inside. And exactly what I knew she'd do, she did- criticize the cleanliness and appearance of the house to the kids. I get it- she was the main caretaker for 13 yrs so she has an interest in how it appears. However, I was headed out of town and knew nobody would be there, so had no reason for it to be spotless upon my departure. It's not like it was trashed. (Unrelated note- weekend trip to the mountains was fun, single girl was sick so didn't go, I'm used to being the 3rd wheel)
What's sad is that even D10 was offended when she told me what W said- 'It's not fair. She has herself, 1 dog and us only 1/3 of the time in her small condo to keep clean. We have a house, 3 animals...' D10 also told me that W mentioned 'us' buying new couches with our tax refund?!
W and I got into it a bit through email after I asked her about entering the house and my confusion on the couches comment. It didn't help when she then knocked my ability to care for a house on my own by offering to help me paint, pick out new rugs, etc. She wants the kids to have '2 nice, clean places they can be proud of.' I politely told her that I could care for a house by myself and that she no longer had the right to criticize how I care for it. Also pointed out that I couldn't afford new couches (among other things that need done to the house) because I was paying all of our shared bills/expenses and had been trying to save money in anticipation of atty fees and spousal support. That essentially ended our conversation, although I did see the next day that she had logged into my credit card account shortly after our discussion= password changed.
Tax refund was deposited to the joint account this morning. I emailed her to let her know and also asked if she was planning on filing (like previously indicated) so that I could budget accordingly. She hasn't responded. She either won't respond or will give a long response on moving forward this being the best for both of us.
I think there are 3 main reasons why I haven't filed myself: 1. Expenses- not only the costs of a D, but also having to split up possessions and providing spousal support. I suppose by paying all the shared bills/expenses, I'm essentially paying support now, but I know there will be a moment anger involved when writing W a check every month.
2. This was her idea. If I file, it says to her that I'm on board with it and no longer does she bear the burden of telling the kids this was her decision. It would almost feel like cleaning up her mess to me.
3. Lastly, I suppose there is still a small part of me that would be willing to consider M/R with W should she take the necessary steps and be willing to put in the work. I know that can happen post D, but just seems like we'd go through a lot of hassle for nothing if that was the case. Even though we remain M with no set end date, I don't consider myself in limbo. I'm content with the situation and happy with my life right now.
