Life after D - 01 - going from dark to light

[gogofo]

Thanks Wonka, I am trying to get better. The biggest realization and pain came from the way my XW had been acting and treating me. She was not the person I was in love with. She would not be someone I would be pursuing a R with with her current actions.

She is no longer the honest, open, committed, caring and loving person I loved. It is sad but it is the truth. She is high on OM and the feelings she has from that R. Maybe one day we could be together again, maybe not. I am not going to sit around and wait for that day. I deserve happiness and a great R and it will come one day when the time is right.

I picked up my boys overnight last night and dropped them off this morning. Kind of a weird situation. I didn't know how I would feel and react emotionally. It was awkward. I think the XW and I were both expecting some sort of reaction out of each other.

She had packed up some clothes for me in a suitcase for the boys and said for me to bring the suitcase back and she will put more in there for me. She is on spring break so she has been going through her house cleaning etc.

This morning she expected me to drop the boys off early in the morning, before 7:00 because that is when I start work. Well I decided to restructure my work schedule and not take lunches and work late so I can be a full parent and get the boys ready for work and to the bus, etc.

XW was surprised by this because it would be easier to just drop them off. Yes it would, but that is not the point. I do not want to rely on XW and have her do my parental duties on the mornings that I have the kids. I am a man and can take care of my kids on my own. I am also an amazing father and no one can take that away from me.

Tonight I am going to see one of my favorite punk bands with a couple of my good friends from my punk days. It is going to rule.

My workout routine is kicking my legs and butt into soreness big time. It is good though. I want to keep committed and rise through the difficulty to build a better and healthier body and mind.