So I have felt this weight lift after I feel like I have rejoined the path I am supposed to be on. No more testing the dating pool for me, cutting that tie was a huge relief and I once again feel at peace where my soul resides.
Yesterday W TM that she tweaked her neck again and was going home, was not sure if she would make it to S's game. I suggested to her she just rest, let me take S for the night, her quick reply "I don't want to be alone" I didn't touch that (in my head I shouted "well that was your choice")...once again confirming MLCrs hate being alone. I had brought up the switching nights a few weeks ago that it would be easier as his baseball is next to my place, practice ends around 7:30, he still needs to eat/shower and with her its another 30 minutes away and my softball nights are near hers I could drop off before or after my games depending on the time (Just easier on S and limits all the travel time he spends in the car with this sitch) .... she fought me on this (as it interferes with her plans) so I just let it go. She ended up agreeing and missed the game .. .S had a good game but was Mr Grumps .. I laughed at myself as a year or so ago I would not have had the patience to let him just get over it by himself (Yup Mr Fix-it has officially been benched). So I am assuming W will pick up S Thursday night at my softball game (close to her place) so I can avoid getting S home late, but at this point who knows she may back out of that one too.
Dropped off S this morning, she seemed better. We small-talked a bit, she asked about the dog and I thought I might take her up on the offer that she keep him for a week or two. Of course now she starts with excuses on how she can't take him (As I guessed, her offer was just a guilt ridden one) .. .so I calmly tell her no problem I will handle it. Then she suggested she had a friend who knew someone who might take the dog ... I got a touch stern and told her I was not giving up the dog. It frustrates me, this MLC thing ... its like the answer is often "toss the hands up / run/ give up/ avoid/ abandon" She felt the pressure and started getting tense, I simply just told her to have a good day and left. Driving to work the radio talk show I listen to was talking about people getting caught cheating, and of course one of the stories was similar to my sitch ... I felt a wave of anger, turned off the radio and just asked God for strength... helped a bit but was also alarming how quick it stung, how fast I was upset, and I thought to myself ... I may never get over this, I need to, but this wound is pretty deep and one I do need to address for me and my future.
Other than that ... same ole... very dim with W, talks only are concerning S. I have my container that has some of the furniture/tools/misc items (Ironically a cedar chest my father built that contains all our marriage stuff) I kept after the split is arriving tomorrow, gives me time to go through it, sell what I don't want to keep and start tossing out certain things that I just don't need/want. Getting ready for the move, I am nervous about the first couple months financially .. but I should be fine .. no more splurging. For Lent I gave up fast foods and sodas ... its helped force me to cook a bit more...saving money... I actually like eating real food, sure the fast food stuff is really convenient with all the driving and things going on with S and I, but its been a good choice for me eliminating that, however.... I could really go for an ice cold Dr Pepper .. but I will hold true and wait.
