It's a nightmare. Wake me up.

[koalada]

I have read Sandis thread about the wayward wife and the idea of “tough love” scares the s.... out of me. My wife sometimes complained “I want a marriage in which we can fight for the right decision and argue hard about stuff. Other couples can do that.” But when an argument started she either got quiet and drew back (because she was not used to me being upset and/or talking straight) or she got away from the facts and went the emotional road, talking only about feelings, even if it was about real life stuff like money (and then she got really stubborn and left).

Next Monday it is my sons birthday. We usually start the morning together with singing and cake for breakfast. I am on a tight budget and have just enough money to buy some food and household stuff. I can not afford a real gift for him. She is on a tight budget too, but can always ask her parents. I am ashamed to show up without any present and I don't want her to say that the present she bought was from both of us. I am thinking about writing a song for him as a gift, but his wishes are more tangible (Nintendo 3DS).

Right now, my wife hopes, that we will be best friends and help each other with life's struggles. She wants it as smooth as possible, because she can not stand confrontational situations. She wants “the best for the kids” (well than work on this marriage!) and hopes that I am the same soft and caring person I've been the last yrs. Should I miss the birthday, so that she can notice how weird family life is after a divorce? She is convinced, that the kids will be ok and a divorce is not a big deal for them. The separation counselor told her the opposite. He explained the trouble the kids would experience and the lifelong wounds. She just ignores it. It seems that she has designed a fantasy future without any problems. “She became a successful art therapist, is independent, but has a great looking husband with the perfect character. The father of her children is a close friend. He and the new husband spent much time together. The kids are thankful for the separation and this new life full of opportunities. The XH has married again, and his wife and me can talk about everything.”

When I read the above, I notice that it sounds confusing. Well, it is confusing right now. There are thousand thoughts and ideas in my head. I don't want to mess this up.

So my questions are:
*What do you think about the birthday?
*Was it a good idea, that I left the house? Should I move back into the house? Or would it be more efficient to stay detached physically?

My strategy at the moment is: Detach, GAL and follow the 37 rules. I am working on 180's (that is hard). What do you think, am I on the right path?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am really glad, that I found this forum and I really appreciate your ideas. It already helped me a lot to see, that I am not the only person in a situation like this.