Well we had a phone conversation for about an hour. W stated that this weekend she wants me to start training her to do all the finances for the Dental Office. She also stated that it is time to set up separate bank accounts and credit cards. Do I just go along with it or try to extend it?
W told me I am still trying to control her through finances. The thing that set this off was she signed up to do a run and paid using our credit card. Well she did not tell me this and I saw a strange charge on the account today and it said it was from NJ. Well since I was just in NJ this weekend I thought someone may have stole my credit card number while I was up there. So I called up the CC company and found out it was for a race here in WV. So I told W that story and she took it as me controlling her.
So of course she started on her rampage that we are so done and that I will be getting served in the next couple days and she can't wait to get away from me once this is final. I never showed any emotion to that I just said that I thought we would always be friends and she is not allowing that to happen. She told me we can't be friends because I will always want more than that.
Here is where I made a critical mistake. I asked her if there was someone else. She said no. I said I am not asking you to get mad at you I just need to know because if there is I think it is unfair for me to be lied to. I do think if I found out there was someone else I would then move on from her.
She still holds firm that she doesn't like hanging out with the girls that she hangs out with or talks to and that is why she rotates them so often. But also she can never go back to me. I asked her if she is happy now, she said she really is a homebody but forces herself to do things because she would go crazy in the house all alone. But can't go back to living life with me ever again either.
I saw some signs of life in our conversation but it wouldn't be the first time that happened, only to have her wake up the next day mad as can be. Of course her first patient of the day tomorrow is her divorce attorney. Just my luck.
Next week my D14 will be away again cheering for the Boys Basketball team. I am going for the entire week with D14 for that. W said she is going to come up for the weekend. She said we can hang out the whole time we are there but can not stay in the same room. Which I kind of assumed would be the case anyways.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I know the D attorney was my W's 8:00 appointment this morning. She texted me right after words asking if I have talked to D14 who is away this morning. That is odd because W knows that D14 always texts her first.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Well W just called. D attorney dropped off the proposal for a divorce settlement to the office. W wanted to know when I would be in to review it, I said I will go in after lunch. We talked for a few minutes about things. She said the D attorney asked her again today if she is sure she wants to continue the process or if she wants to try and reconcile. W told her she wouldn't have called her in the first place if she wasn't sure. All of the above was told to me by W on the phone.
I said to her even though all of this is costing money, don't put a price on saving our marriage. She said she knows that it would cost much less to stop the D at any point then it would to go through with it.
We had a little small talk. At the end she said this is the best conversation we had since before things got bad between us.
The one thing she brought up the D attorney on why she has to keep things moving is the fighting in front of D14. I try so hard to have a good attitude when I see W but she seems to bait me every time. I try to detach and then she goes further out of bounds. I just feel if I ignore it and don't call her out on it I am being a doormat. But I also have to realize I am pushing her further away instead. I need to find balance and just ignore certain things for now.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Getting the divorce papers makes it all very real. I'm sorry that you are going having to go thru this right now. I don't know much about your sitch, but it seems like things are going awfully fast.
You may be able to have W pay for your attorney. Your attorney will be able to provide you with different options, including how to slow down the process. Stay strong.
Well I got the Divorce Papers today. W kept asking what I think about it. I told her I am not signing anything, I don't like it. I said I don't like the fact that you aren't giving me anytime. So we argued a little about it. I then told W that I am hiring my own attorney to look things over. This all took place at the office while she was trying to see patients.
I then asked her if we can just go to dinner and talk. We talked about the papers again but never came to an agreement. She then brought up how my family is cutting her off. I told her what they told me even today and that was they said they love her like a D. They took her into their home and have known her since she was 17. But they do not agree with the way you are handling things now. She then preceded to tell me her D attorney on 2 occasions said that she cares for her as a person and is not looking to make an easy buck and that she recommends MC. Her friends are also telling her she might want to try MC. W still states she is totally against and the feelings are gone. That she can't forgive me for taking her for granted.
After talking for about an hour over dinner we left, I told her I have a response to her Divorce Papers. In the same envelope I put in the Eulogy that she read when my Grandfather passed away 2 years ago. Other blood relatives wanted to do the reading and my Grandmother insisted that my wife write and read the Eulogy for the day and my W did. It was just a little reminder that even though she goes around and says she doesn't have a family, my family looks at her as equal to all the blood relatives. She teared up and kept thanking me for giving that to her.
I told her I don't expect a commitment I just want the gift of time.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Well the team that my D14 went away to cheer for loss. So she came back home this tonight. Tonight is my W's night so she has her. W did text me a few times tonight for things relating to our D14. That has not happened much recently. Tomorrow is a new day and we will see what that brings.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
W woke up a different person today. So I guess I have no choice now but to go to a divorce attorney and protect my rights. W wants everything done ASAP.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
