Part 16 - edz, just edz

[edz]

Hi gg

Thanks for popping by. I appreciate the perspective. I suppose I'm not ready to call it a day yet and w switches between gestures, behaviours and conversations that are beyond polite or friendly and veer into r status and then vector off to silence or business only.

As you say eventually w will pick which she wants more or I'll make a decision to go my own way. Right now I want her to pick a path for us to work together to rebuild but its difficult at times.

I appreciate friends being concerned I suppose it just throws things into relief again and stirs up the old noodle on whether I'm just hanging on to the familiar or I truly want this, I'm sure right now its the latter.

Anyway, I'm really happy things are good with you right now, regardless of where it all goes, you deserve a bit of fun

[Vanilla]

Edz

Go GAL, get on with your life. Doing so makes it more likely that W will be attracted back. You do this for you!

If W wanted back in then you would know BIG time!

Edz, scraps are not BIG time.

Gently onwards, tall one keep of the brown furry thing.

V

[edz]

Thanks V

Mostly I am (well I'm no GAL king, never be able to keep up with you you know ).

I suppose the main issue is what I feel I'm missing is a close relationship and I feel that I cant go in any direction there except wait.

In all aspects otherwise Im quite sorted now, we still have our joint account but thats for reasons I cant change realistically - yet - those reasons will change in the next month or so and it will very much depend if w and I get any closer if it remains or not.

Other than that and the fact that, no, GAL activities for activities sake arent something Im very good at (never have been right back to teens - Im trying though, signing up for the new bginners yoga in april) I'm mostly settled and independantly organised right now.

Heads clear, health is coming on, weight is going down, BFT is, well, BFT.

Honestly dont think w knows what w wants, one minute she's in tears wanting to talk and be with me, offering me food from her plate (she offered me food again at brunch the other morning) or feeding me as if we're together - the next she wants to be on her own and radio silence. She's quiet then at 10-11pm starts to text me on light, fun stuff (I try not to let these run on now).

All I can do is give her the space to do that until she decides which of the two options to take to.

What will be will be or I'll decide to move on, meanwhile I'll just relax and get on

[edz]

Well w texted me to say she was in the park (with s) up from where I work today but didnt know how long she'd be there (I'd previously said that if she's about give me a shout if she'd like coffee etc) texted back no worries off to lunch in a bit let me know if you'd like coffee.

Didnt hear so went to pick up some more day to day clothes in a less baggy size, phone went and it was w. Told me she wasnt sure how long they'd be there and wasnt feeling too well and she's off to (her friend) tonight with s as she'd turned her down on friday. Said no worries if she's not well she should head home and if she's not well tonight maybe dont go.

W started telling me the (her now) car doesnt sound too well and seems lumpy, she's recently had it serviced so I suggested she took it back and had them take a look, I also asked did she get it covered under breakdown, she said no she hadnt.

I'm afraid I didnt bite and left it with her to progress. I know it was her asking by "hint" but Mr Fixit is chained, duck taped and roped to a pole right now. If w asks me to assist her with talking to the garage I will but this feels like a line not to cross unless invited.

Anyway signed off the call with a positive cheery tone and said hope she feels better and I'll catch up with her later. Then went back to shopping...more pants ....two sizes smaller.

Feels a little mean I didnt offer more help but really this has to be a consequence of her decisions surely, w does seem to be saying I want space and time alone, oh, unless I need you to do something. That doesnt sound healthy for me, she knows where I am if she wants to ask for help or she wants to work with me together.

Thoughts? (Yes, GAL, I know, I Know )

[Sotto]

Edz, glad to hear you signed up for yoga - good for you to have new GAL plans. I hope you enjoy it...

WRT the car. I think you should keep Mr F firmly chained on that one, and don't feel unkind either. If your W wants to live her 'own' life right now, fixing the car is part of that...Down, Mr Fixit...Down!

[gan]

Well done, Edz. Think you did splendidly.

[Vanilla]

Edz

You know the closest relationship you will ever have is with yourself!

GAL is a choice Edz. It says, I am valuable, I connect, and I interact.

I understand that you feel shy, that is why activity GAL is good for you. I am shy, I have ADD and even eye contact is hard for me. But a smile isnt and I have learned to focus between the eyebrows so it is less intense. Activity GAL, gives a common interest and there are tons of activities to try, to taste and ultimately to enjoy.

Your job can be solitary and often you need peace to concentrate. I get it, I really do.

When you have been a member of a club, a group, a class for a while there will be the friendlies who go for coffee afterwards. Even my spin class does that, a general are you going for coffee today will set it off. I have a new GAL friend from boot camp and I text her today, we will go to Body pump tomorrow and then for a drink. May not be a life long friendship but lovely GAL. light breezy and will ask if GAL pal wants to do a hike sometime when Boot Camp finishes, you never know do you?

V

[edz]

Hi All

Thanks for the feedback.

V, signed up for Yoga we'll see how that goes. No so much shyness although that is a part of it, more of a case of finding something I want to do rather than just being there for being there's sake as I have an exceptionally low boredom threshold - if that makes any sense. Although of course how will I know unless I try these things?!

Made sure I'm in the office more nowadays to stop being too isolated but yes, can be a loner which isnt necessarilly the best thing for me especially at the moment.

As for having a close relationship with myself, now theres a temptation for Gg to swoop in with a joke if I ever heard one!

[Vanilla]

Gg will no doubt.

But you know what I mean? Go try things, if no like no do, but get a bucket list. I know you love food, wine, animals, have you thought of volunteering with any of those. Helping others is really excellent GAL too.

Besides, you are never alone with a BFT around!


V

[edz]

Hi V

yes I know what you mean, you know by now humour kicks in as my defense mechanism I will try things, takes me time.

I have registered for the volunteer networks around here just waiting for something I can do within my work and cover schedule and that I can physically do - sadly not much animal wise around here its mostly in hampshire which is too far for the time I have available but I'll keep looking.