Complex No. 6 - The turtle and the rabbit

[Complex]

IDoes make sense. I'm working very hard on myself. But I can't change a carreer over night..and from her perspective it's is too little too late.
But I once used the analogy of buying a car with a dent...she KNEW who I was, in which situatiom I am in, and that I have to start ALL OVER in this country. And obviously it takes time. Yes I did slack, and that worked against me big time. I take full responsibility for this. But does she have to run into another mans arms after a few months of slacking? Do I even want a women like this?
Thing is now she thinks she made a huge mistake "overestimating" me and my ability to conquer life here, move forward and having a career...logical reaction: she wants out because she lost trust and believe in me... She actually told me she just thinks we are different people, that I am who I am. That I actually am an awesome person, but not the one matching her needs in life. I partly agree with her. I made many promises, some of them I couldn't golliw through. So she thinks I'm a great person but I cannot meet her needs in the long term.
Now here's the deal: I agree with that but here come the big BUT:
I was NOT the person I wanted to be. I was not where I want to be in life. I have a goal, a vision. One that totally matches W's needs!!! In many many ways! PROBLEM: For whatever reason I couldn't follow through. I was a pessimist lacking energy and motivation. That's how I am/was. That's my inner fight, since a decade!! There might actually be a real ongoing genetically based depression or some flaw in how I was raised/grew up. But I know what a damn good person I am, and I know about these things. And what happened the last few month triggered in me to come out of the woods and DO the things I wanted, BE the person I want to be. BE a great husband for W.
I grew so much within the last few months. I'm very proud of myself. And it's still a process but I'm not stopping. I know I can't convince W with words and also not as fast as I would want to. I am doing this for myself though!!!!! That she doesn't believe either. In the beginning I didn't beliebe myself either. But now I do. I said it multiple times before and I'll say it again, this is the the best thing that could've happened to me. God must have a good plan for me and I'm thankful to be where I am TODAY!