My first husband was abusive. He had an immature response and would lash out verbally, swearing and yelling. He punched and broke the car windshield because another driver peeved him off, he'd throw the remote across the room. The final straw was he throw the kitchen table because he couldn't find his wallet. I worried about my kids getting injured ( even though he would not have intended to) plus I didn't want the pattern of this to be carried on into the next generation.
It takes hitting bottom for someone to be motivated to change. It too my ex lossing me to eventually get therapy for his anger issues. It didn't happen right away. He lost another girlfriend after me when he started showing his immature angry behaviours
. Some never change. All I knew was I didn't want to live my life walking on egg shells. My kids are better off now and they have agood relationship with their Dad
Apologies Karma and thank you for your help and sharing with me, I did miss your post. So I am reposting here. I think it is very important that we are vocal about abuse, for women, men and single sexed partners can all be subject to it. Abusers on this forum, generally want change for the better and by staying silent, I think I would be colluding with my abuser. If my thread helps any other lurker look to their sitch and see abuse for what it is then my purpose is served.
Sexual infidelity by waywards can also be control and abuse too.
My mentor did a course called the Freedom Course. It is available on line and costs �10. She rang tonight as I did not go to my Gamanon, I feel emotionally exhausted and really rather not lead a group as my objectivity may be skewed.
The program is about abuse and identifying abuse. I have signed up and am reading the book. Mentor feels I should examine certain sections very early in this process. I am going to read the book (downloaded). There are exercises to cover and we are going to meet up before 12 steps to review my answers.
I will let you know how I cope with the program. Actually what has surprised me is the extent to which Domestic Abuse exists and also in a pleasant way how much I have been supported. The key I am now aware is that I had evidence of the abuse as otherwise it is very difficult.
I have been told in no uncertain terms that this is no anger problem but a control and belief problem. That H is unlikely to be drunk and that is an excuse, in fact he is even unlikely to be feeling angry and is just mildly aggressive. Anger management probably will not work with H. 12 steps is the best resource but even then recovery rates are very poor.
I wish that I had this information a long time ago. My other relationships had none of this game play in them
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/10/1511:00 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
