hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

She asked me this morning to talk to her - tell her what I'm always thinking about.

She said she's sorry for the misery that she caused me. Would it hurt less if she left? I paused for a long time and said that is not what I want - she said it wasn't either.

She said she wants to help me and I paused again and said that I would like her help with this. She thanked me again for helping her and she owed me. I said she didn't owe me anything, but I would accept her help.

We ran out of time this morning again. Mornings are a bad time to talk because we never finish. But we are exhausted at night which doesn't help the conversations go to well all the time.

But tonight I think it may be best to talk - we have a choir concert for D15. So afterwards I think I will bring up the NC.

It is a lot for me to say and old me would have written a letter or e-mail, but new me is talking everything through - face to face.

Any tips to get through this?

(I don't know why this is so hard for me to do - what do I have to lose? really - if this isn't acceptable, why would I want anything else with her? If she isn't agreeable to this, her return must be fake - right?)

I don't want to keep repeating this pattern of her coming back only to find that she's not really back.