Hi Rzr, I read somewhere on this forum about three levels of problematic contact with OP
top level - active in EA/PA mid level - ongoing contact of any sort base level - continuing to 'follow' what OP is doing and think about them...
Sounds like your W is doing the third, and may need support to really put the OM behind her and fully focus on the M. When she's thinking about OM, that's not helping re-build the M. Could be part of the grieving process....I'm no expert on this though.
She's definitely on the 3rd level. Her rhetoric is that she gets depressed at the idea of cutting off her "friend", saying that's not how she treats "friends". This friend that she never actually speaks to but every couple of months. I'm sure this is the grieving process talking.
Any ideas on how I can provide support? I've suggested her removing him from her phone and Facebook and deleting any pics she has. I've framed it as advice to help her get over OM, not as a demand...but of course she views it as a demand. This is an area where I've had a terrible time. I can usually be calm and supportive when she's talking about our core issues, but when she starts talking about OM, it's hard to hide my anger.
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/10/1509:36 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
