Thank you Sandi for your response, you make complete sense.
Today she called asking if I wanted some potatoes. I told her no, but she stopped by the house anyway and dropped off a bag. She ended up hanging out for 20 minutes or so (people were over) and then asked if we could talk outside. Our conversation hovered around our son and his current problems at school. I gave her a hug (first one in a LONG time), then she left.
She has said over and over that we are done, that we will not get back together, it's almost like she is convincing herself that this is the case, like she has to hear it. I just keep smiling though, doing the 180 and show her that my life will continue without her.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Still hanging on, still doing the GAL thing. My kids have been here for the last few days, which has been great. When W left, she took their bikes, because going on bike rides with them was never really my priority. So this morning we went out and got both of them brand new bikes and helmets. I am just waiting for my D to wake up from her nap and we are going to go out and enjoy this beautiful MN weather.
Bike rides, family outings, things like this are all the things I missed due to work and being lazy. I was always too tired, too busy, too sore to do stuff like this. I am almost as excited as my kids are. Instead of saving my M being my #1 priority, having quality time with my kids has taken over. Last night we sat on the couch and watched a movie, ate popcorn, drank orange soda and had fun. I can't believe I was so blind to see the love all around me when W left. I can't believe how much I have missed in their lives already.
New chapter, new me, new focus.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Hey I saw that you got D a new bike! That’s super cool, and hopefully she loved it. It looked super cute.
That attachment bike you were using for S was given to me by a co-worker and I would like it back, just so you know. I’d like to stop over and get my bike from the back garage. Is the garage locked? I’d like to get it tonight if possible.
Here was my response.
Quote:
Thank you, she LOVED it. I wasn't planning on buying her one, but it is something to get us all out of the house. We had a great time, she can really peddle her little legs off.
I am bringing the kids to my Mom's, she is taking them for the night and then for the day tomorrow (so when you pick them up tomorrow that is where they will be). I won't be around tonight, as I have plans so if you want, you can stop by tomorrow and get your bike.
Here was her response.
Quote:
I didn't ask if you would be home I asked if the garage is unlocked so I can just get my own bike. I will not be taking anything but my bike helmet and locks. Can you please just unlock it and leave it open?
Here is my response.
Quote:
I understand what you are asking, the garage is locked up though and I am not sure when I am going to be back home tonight.
She then responded with.
Quote:
You aren't there now?
To which I have not replied. I am trying to get out the door, I do not want to run to the back garage, unlock it, dig her bike and crap out and then take off when I have to have my kids at my Mom's in 20 minutes.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
So yesterday she came and got her bike. When she called about it before hand, I had mentioned having dinner at my place with the kids and her. She scoffed at first, but then changed her mind, wanting a steak on the grill.
She came over, it was very awkward, almost like we were settling into old routines. She stuck around outside with the kids, I stayed inside cooking. Dinner was great, we laughed, we talked, we did our traditional "What's the best part of your day/Worse part of your day" with one another. After dinner the kids wanted to bike to the park, so we did that too. She was here for about 2 1/2 hours total, no bickering, no fighting, just fun. We hugged a few times, I complained about my shoulder hurting and she gave me a half-hug shoulder rub. It was great!
After she left, I realized she left her bike lock and helmet at my place. I had a class that I was going to go to (cooking) and figured I would just drop it off to her. So I called when I was close, she was frantic on the phone. Her dog ran away and she was scouring the neighborhood looking for him. I told her I was 5 minutes away and would help her find him, she thanked me and that was that. She then called right as I got there saying she found him.
She was happy that I ran that stuff over to her, offered me a glass of wine and we sat on her couch and talked for a good hour or so. We talked about this summer with the kids, Easter coming up, what her plans are (she wants to travel), a job offer that came to me today in Texas where her folks live (6 months ago, we talked about starting fresh in by her parents). I did give her a hug when I got there, because she looked frazzled about her dog running away. When I left I put my arms out to give her one goodbye and she said "I think we hugged enough for one day..." and left it at that.
The entire time we talked, I smiled, looked her in the eyes (repeating I love you in my mind when I looked at her) and listened to her. There is still little sign that we will get back together, but it's all about baby steps, right?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
OK - all is not lost. Again, if you don't want this, get a lawyer - you don't have to sign the papers or file discloures, if you don't want to. Stall out the process if that is what you want to do.
Sorry to hear the news, I know how bad it hurts. I would suggest getting a L so you know your rights. I stalled on my D papers for a while and then got a L and was glad that did.
About your update above. I remember having good times after hearing about the OM. She denied, but I think she was just lying to herself because it may have only been an EA.
In my opinion your W is enjoying these times as a FRIEND and thinks that this is how things will be if D. The LBS takes this as signs that the M can be saved. My W and I did the same thing. She is now my XW, but acted the same way to the end. She will continue this until YOU put a stop to it.
I think I saw your reply of Sandi's wayward wife thread. Read it again and again until it sets in. I do not believe you can "nice" your W from the OM and back into the M.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
I spoke to a lawyer this morning, he said stick with the mediation and do not sign anything if I don't think it's fair. Bring it to him and let him review it first, if it's possible.
On the plus side, I went out last night to a pasta making class, my partner (they put us in teams if we were singles) asked me out at the end of the night! She is 5 years younger than I am, just got out of a ltr, absolutely stunningly beautiful too! It was a HUGE ego stroke, even though I told her that right now I am not ready for dating. She gave me her card and told me to call her if and when I am.
I seriously went to sleep last night with a smile on my face, first time in a long time.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
