Masterpiece still in progress...

[Jer2911]

I'll try to explain the best way that I can without giving up too much detail...

First -- CaliGuy -- W knows. She was agreeable to it...

We are trying to work out a co-parenting agreement. One of the things that I included in the co-parenting agreement (as a talking point and a bargaining chip) was a clause about a timeframe for introducing the kids to new partners and when new partners could sleep over with the kids present. W completely disagreed with this clause and most recently started speaking to me about OW in terms of her new R and how, because of the distance, meeting in person would be difficult, blah, blah, blah... To make a long story short -- we have ended up with email as an option for getting to know each other before OW visits in June and meets the kids.

Again -- my W engaging in A with OW is NOT what I want, but I see some benefits right now to opening up this dialogue... W is letting down her guard a bit with me... opening up to me more about a lot of stuff (maybe because I seem to be more accepting of the sitch and not as judgmental towards her -- not sure, but that's my guess)... And, if OW gets to know me better then it could be harder to believe the negative things W has said about me in past few months (which contradicts all the wonderful things she told OW about me before the end of October). I do not think this is going to lead to any immediate miracle -- but right now it appears that it is causing W to be much more open with me and that is an improvement over the secrecy, lies, and deception that I've been dealing with over the past several months. No, I still don't trust my W, but the atmosphere at home has improved quite a bit...

Yes -- writing the email and then reading her response was a bit weird -- but there is so much about this entire situation that is so freaking weird... Most of the time I can't believe this is my life right now. It just feels surreal. I don't want OW in our lives at all -- but she isn't a bad person... she's just a young, inexperienced woman who has no clue what she is really involved in with my W... a young, inexperienced woman making a poor choice right now... I haven't told her all of that, but I am hopeful that she will eventually realize it -- or be told that by her family and/or friends when she finally tells them that she is involved with my W (which she is planning to do at some point in the next several months). And yes -- that means that she is not "out" to anyone in her life except to my W (and me)... So many different ways in which that hurdle can derail everything at some point in the near future.

I know this probably still doesn't make much more sense... The email communication just seems to make sense on a very intuitive level right now for my particular sitch -- but it might not be the right thing for others to do in other sitchs.