Vanilla, I hear what you are saying. He's been friends with many women before and it never bothered me because I felt secure in my relationship and in my attractiveness, and because the other women always included me. This particular woman has never made an effort to connect to me beyond having daughters who are friendly and in the same grade. I knew they were friendly and worked closely together, but I wouldn't have considered them friends because they never got together outside of work unless it was a work sanctioned event.

Usually with my kids' friends' mother's who were also H's coworkers we would get together and have a connection separate from H or kids. This one never made much of an attempt which is why it surprised me that she considered herself his "very good friend for a very long time" (her words). It probably is an EA and if it is a PA than I find it hilarious and surprised he could even get the deed done with someone who looks like that (catty--I know--but true).

It is made so much worse by the fact that she is s13's teacher and D11's friends mother. That I just got a text from D11 telling me that this woman's daughter asked if she was free friday. That yesterday H had OW tell my daughter where to meet him because D11 and friend were haning out in OW's classroom. I can't detach as hard as I try. And if nothing is going on--which maybe there isn't--then I know that he is still trying to use that because he knows that is the one area where I crumble into an emotional wreck and stop taking the higher road.

I don't think finding out will help me much at this point. Because if nothing is going on I don't think I will believe it until his entire attitude me changes anyway. And if something is going on it is still going to make me want to be an Evil By-otch to both of them. And I have to think about my kids. I have to stop obsessing over it. I just don't know how to right now.

I want her gone from my life. But H made it clear that I can't dictate who he is friends with (which is true) and the reality is I know it is wrong for me to try to draw a wedge between my D's friendship. And she is still teaching my son and will have my d next year if they continue to go to this school. I can't let my own jealousy determine their schooling. He put me in a really bad position and he knows it. i think that is why (if nothing is going on) he wants to keep playing that card because it gives him leverage. I gave that to him. The only way to get it back is to stop caring and move past it.

I just don't know how to do that right now.

Last edited by mustardseed; 03/10/15 08:50 PM.
40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17