You are likely an admiration junkie with horrible boundaries around men. Just as your husband doesn't deal with his alcoholism by hanging out in bars, someone like yourself with the inability to discern appropriateness (as defined by your husband who you seem to want to maintain a relationship with), shouldn't be in the company of men without your husband and especially when drinking.
Are you an alcoholic? If so, your relationship with alcohol is your first priority to address.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
