You are right as so many people have pointed out. It's not about winning the wife back, it's making a better life for me and my kids. I totally get that and respect the process.
I will admit to being hard headed but by God I am fierce and determined. I will come out of this a better woman and mother.
What bothers me the most are the lies on top of lies on ltop lof lies that she has told me, our friends, her family our kids, everyone. That one is hard to swallow even though she is in crisis herself. I honestly do believe she is in crisis even though no one else believes me. However, I have learned that is non of my concern. My concern is me and my kids. She has to sort her own self out.
Wednesday is going to be a tough day for me. WAW is flying out to stay with OW during a work conference. This will be hard to think about ehat she is up to but I have several methods to keep myself distracted.
1). Concentrate on work projects 2). Thought stop 3). Concentrate on my beautiful children
My question is my WAW is shceudled to pick up the children on Friday. If her flight is late or delayed, or if traffic is backed up, then what? I will ensure with our afterschool program that they have my number just in case.
I am paranoid that my kids will be stuck at the afterschool program and be left. That would be terrible as my little girl is just 6.
I am keeping my resolve up! My kids and I will have a better three days than she will anyway.
Foolish, that is the perfect mindset to be in. Focus on the kids, focus on the projects for work and focus on you.
I started doing yoga (I am a 35 year old guy) and have really started getting into it. PLUS there are some VERY good looking girls that go to the place I go to, which is nice being the only guy in said class and getting a little attention, even though it's about the last thing I am thinking of.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Update --WAW is leaving Wednesday for her rendezvous with her AP. Problem is she is sick with a bad cold. I had to see her today at parent teacher conference and talk on the phone about a kid issue - she sounded worse. I said "you sound awful". Usually what happens is gets really sick, it triggers her asthma and she has gotten pneumonia twice. I used to take very good care of her, made sure her meds were filled, etc....
I wonder how she will fair with the AP? Oh well, not my problem, I've been fired as her wife.
As she is ill, should I enquire about her health and well being? Half of me wants to and the other half does not.
I don't want to appear uncaring but my gut tells me this is a natural consequence of her wayward actions and activities.
Thoughts from the peanut gallery?
I wouldn't bother. Back in January my wife came down with the shingles, I spent 4 days at her bedside (even though I was sleeping downstairs), took care of her, took care of the kids, took care of the house, hoping she would have an "ah-ha" moment and realize that a divorce was not the solution. Nothing changed. I later found out she was texting the OM every time I walked out of the bedroom, saying she wished he was there to take care of her. It meant nothing to her that I was bending over backwards for her.
So from my experience, I wouldn't do anything, I wouldn't say anything, you already mentioned it, leave it alone.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
At the teacher conference meeting, the teacher noted that our d6 is having some socializing problems. On the way home, we talked about it briefly and she said "I hate my Life" which made me feel awful. I asked specifically what I could do to help, and she mentioned a few things, but said I want you and Mom back together again. I said Oh Sweetie I don't know if that is going to happen, but you do know that I love you and S9 very very much and I will always be your Mommy. You know that right? She said yes.
I am so angry at my WAW who gives less than a flip about how much she has hurt our "lifeless going nowhere" marriage. Those were her words I might add.
I mentioned this to my WAW and asked her to call and speak to our D6 which she did. I talked to her briefly and made no mention of her A which could be viewed as pressure or blame. I referred to it as the situation.
Again, I hope I did the right thing. I reread DB and it was very clear not to assign blame or put pressure on the WAW in any way.
I think I am getting better with the DB principles. Although it hurts like hell and I am angry, I am working through these emotions on my time and in my own way. mainly taking deep breaths, recognizing the situation as a potential conflict and letting it drop. I validated and that was it.
I made a play date with my d6's best friend for today and she was very very happy about that. I will work on spending special time with her and making sure she feels loved.
So now my WAW is trying to get $$ out of her retirement account. OMG. She is really far gone now. Of course I will not mention any of this - I just filed it away. This is her separate account and is in no wy connected to my retirement.
This is just sad but again,,, not my problem and I will do or say nothing about it. If she brings it up, I will be non commital.
Yeah, just cluck with sympathy when W expresses her health issues like "It can't be fun at all. Hope you'll feel better soon." That's that. Simpatico.
Be careful when talking to W about the children's emotions as it may appear as if you're guilting her about her decision to blow up the family. Remember...short, concise, and neutral comments. "W, D6 has said that she misses you. I'd be happy to set up a phone call for you two to connect. How about 8 pm? Would that work for you?"
Now...your comment about taking $$ out of her retirement account. That is part of your money too as a married couple. If, down the road, you two decide to proceed to a divorce...you'd want to bring it up with your L. In fact, I'd bring this up with your L soon and ask about it.
Mind you, I am not saying that you two will divorce....hence the word "if" in the opening statement.
