Nothing much to report here. Still hurtling towards divorce. My MIL is coming on Thursday and we’re going to take the girls to the coast for the weekend. And while she is here to distract them, I’m going to get a few major household projects done – finish setting up the garage to my preferred usage and getting the patio ready to go for grilling season. Alas, due to divorce, won’t be able to afford the better class of grill I wanted till next year. Started GAL of assistant coaching girls softball team.
Two non-sightings of STBX. My sister ran into him in the grocery store while he had D3. D3 immediately started calling out to her, and STBX pretended he didn’t hear her or see my sister, and literally ran up the aisle to abruptly pay for his purchases. Then yesterday, he had to drop off D6’s swim gear that he forgot to return last week. I told him he could drop it off with us at softball practice (it’s an hour and a half round trip). Instead of saying hi to the girls, he just put it in my car and took off. Finally, I guess I’ve been thinking somewhat about memory. Before I get started on my theoretical ramble, let me reiterate that I’m not talking about the rewriting of marital history – that’s something totally different.
I have what most people tell me is a pretty freakish memory. It’s not photographic or anything. But, for instance, one of my high school friends ran into someone she thought might have been a classmate and since she couldn't remember him – she asked me if I did. I immediately rattled off 4 year's worth of classes we had all had together, all the names of the kids he hung out with and the fact that he inexplicably wore a different Minnesota North Stars hockey jersey almost every day – and I haven’t thought about this kid in 25 years. I only take notes at work meetings so that people feel that I am paying attention, I almost never refer back to them, I can keep dates, contacts, and project plans in my head without any effort. If a family member can’t remember where an old picture was taken they come to me and I give them the year, location, circumstance…you get the idea.
STBX is the opposite. He wouldn’t be able to tell you what he wore yesterday. I don’t think a day goes by that he doesn’t have to reset a password he forgot. I could give a page worth of examples, but take my word for it – it’s pretty bad.
So – how does this relate to our marriage? I think sometimes, that because it’s so much easier for me to remember all the good times, it affected how I looked at the bad times. When I had the first vague stirrings of uneasiness that he might be having an affair, I was able to instantly retrieve all the negative things he had said about cheaters for a decade and all the positive things he had said about commitment and family. I think, in addition to a healthy dose of denial, it really colored my perception of what was probably pretty obvious.
Likewise, I wonder if STBX's bad memory kept him from looking back and remembering all the good things and bonding moments. He didn't have the same emotional touchstone that I did.
Anyway- doesn't affect anything – just something I think about as I stroll around the building to get some air.
