Thanks for support Sherman. I appreciate it. I'm happy that I have broken that unhealthy pattern of pushing my feelings down and withdrawing. It [censored] that it took an atom bomb of an EA/PA and divorce to turn me around.
It's been a difficult few days and rereading my post has just reminded me of how long and difficult this process is going to be.
Our lawyers have finished the finial decree, so the divorce should be final soon. My wife has started to stay at her mother's every other weekend with the kids. She wants to start the visitation schedule we agreed on. Coming home to an empty house after a long day at work is terrible. I miss walking through to door and hearing the kid's screaming "daddy", mauling me, and making me put hand higher and higher so they can high five me.
My wife has been great. She brings up the changes she sees in me fairly often. Usually, it's little test like, "I love these changes in you, they're going to help you after we are living apart" etc. etc. I thank her for noticing and agree with her, then move to something else.
The downside to not pushing all my emotions down and keeping everything bottled up is that my wife wants me to talk to her about how I'm feeling. She even said "I find you much more attractive now that I can see you have emotions and feelings". She very good at getting me to trust her. Since it's a 180 from the old me to talk about emotions and feelings, I do. I do not talk about R or the D.
She's good at getting me to trust her. I think that can be somewhat dangerous right now. She can give me a false sense of hope.
She's still chatting with the OM. She has been respectful of my boundaries and does not talk, text, chat, facebook, etc. with him while I'm at home. I don't snoop, so I don't know what is going on with her and him. That's hard for me to deal with.
I'm doing my best to stay focused on being an awesome dad, improving myself, and letting her go. Why is letting her go so freaking hard? 3 months ago I was almost out the door.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
