I guess its the fact that I see/feel something wrong with it. Just a bit of a 'me' session here. The past few weeks understandably I have had one eye on the calendar looking at the mediation date and the other eye seems to suffer from being cross eyed and can not see much clearly. I have felt my faith drift a bit, to be honest it was easier giving W and my M to God and having faith it would all work out..... provided it would work out what want I wanted it, well that's just not how it works and I guess in a way I had a little part of me say F it I am gonna do what I think I want .. turns out, I do not want to date. Sure we had fun, it was nice to have someone want me .... but this is not what I want. So yeah I was honest with this girl, have been from the start and I told her last night (She TM asking how I was ... implying a second date .. etc) that though I had a great time ... its just not time for me, she appreciated the honesty and I actually felt very relieved and felt this was the right thing to do. I have enough going on in my life and "Ain't nobody got time for Dat" ... I have my hands full with S's sports, my own, and finishing up my RCIA journey I really have no time for and R nor am I ready .. it was a GAL experiment and I do not want to give anyone false hopes... I am a riot when I go out, I have fun ... but there is a "No Vacancy" sign as far as any relationships go ... its just the way it is right now.
I received an email from the mediator yesterday ... W pushed the date back another 2 weeks to a a.m. meeting, I replied that mornings do not work for me, I would like afternoon meeting as was scheduled for the 11th, so now we are back to finding another time. According to the mediator W pushed it back because her neck is still not 100%, not reading into this ... just taking it for what it is. I dropped off S this morning had PMA going well, asked how she was .. still sore .. she gave me a hug, gingerly .. but still a hug. Again .. not reading into it .. I left and came into work.
Nothing really moving .. W should hit PMS-ville next week which has seemed to bring out some reactions as of late .. as stated I track these like hurricanes it helps me prepare and separate real talks from the crazy hormone filled ones.
