V and Susana - kitty is fine. She had a toenail that had grown too long, and she quietly sat on my knee whilst I trimmed it. She's a nice old girl. H and I decided it is best to leave her in situ for as long as possible. I hope that she may peacefully end her days there without us having to move her. We have lovely pet ladies who look after her when H is not around.
Complex - no H has no idea how I feel. We haven't discussed it in months. Although the last time we did (September?) he knew that I hoped we could work things out. Advice from the vets is not to say anything, so I won't. As far as he knows, I am happy in my new life here....which to an extent I am of course, and still working on that....
Wow - yesterday was tough! It makes me realise that I need to do some work on myself in terms of detachment. I realise that I have my signature line - strength, balance, grace - that feels important to me, but I haven't really posted what that means in practice. So I'm going to look at what I actually DO to 'live' these values:
Strength
My boundary (held very firmly) is that I won't live in an open R I won't be 'friends' with H whilst he is conducting an A I am DBing and only contact H on a minimal basis. I don't tell him how I feel. I act 'as if' I hold strong about the house and financials. We must properly settle finances before the house can be sold I am standing for our marriage. My feet are firmly planted in the sand and the waves wash around them.
Balance
I am keeping my finances balanced, although funds are limited right now I am running, doing yoga, aqua aerobics and eating well to keep my health in balance I meditate, journal, read and post on the forum to help balance my emotions I GAL to keep my life in balance and not obsess about marital troubles I try and take a 'balanced' view of the sitch - not seeing the worst or expecting the best
Grace
I don't bad-mouth H or OW. The worst ranting I do is on these boards I offer help and support to H when I think it may be needed. I mostly feel compassion towards him. I hold true to values that are important to me, despite current challenges I bear current challenges with dignity and with compassion towards others Sometimes, I light two tealights and I wish H (and myself) good luck on our journeys
I'm glad to be 'home' again after the traumas of yesterday. I can feel calm and normality returning, although it may take a little while. This morning, I am at the bookstore, and I'm having coffee with friends later. Hopefully it will be a nice day, and H can fade into the background for a while....
Last edited by Toots; 03/10/1507:28 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
