Waywards have to distort reality to fit their view, my understanding is that this is called cognitive dissonance. Eventually there are so many differences between Ws view and reality that the bubble bursts. Then patching of reality occurs, that seems to be replay. Repeating and looping until eventually there is disintegration. This is how addiction works in gambling compulsion, eventually rock bottom is hit and despite flailing change, real change occurs. If W is right minded ( and my notes say that W took great care of her siblings from a very young age) so that is good for your co parenting in the longer term.
Perfect....thank you for this. It puts it in perspective. I realize that my backslides now seem to be from a point of empathy for her that is now setting in. I then vacillate back and forth from empathetic to defensive. I actually feel these empathetic thoughts is the first part of forgiveness. The gas lighting that has occurred has knocked me back a little bit, but I saw myself talking today about how W is trying to find her way right now and it will take a while for her to move focus her feelings of things inhibiting her 'growth' from the externals (me, friends, job, etc.) to her internal feelings.
I talked to MC today about recent things and how we went backwards this weekend. He had some good words of advice. I told him that I was looking at 'helping' W not as her husband, but it seems like I'm still really only the one that really knows about her struggles. As a friend that cares about her, I feel that I should help her. He said, "MCS, friendship is a 2 way street. She doesn't want you to be her friend right now." That was worded that put in in perspective for me.
Also talked a little about concerns with the kids and how my fear is increasing. He said, "you need to leave those cares to the one that loves them purely and trust Him" again, worded well that hit me. (I am checking with the carers about them each day this week)
So, doing a little better right now. It was a tough weekend. Thanks for helping me out. Also, I'm selfishly lurking back through your thread to see how you've mastered this 'detached caring' state that you still care for H, but stay detached from his journey.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
