I believe we are piecing...

[LovinUs]

labug, When things get tense and uncomfortable now, I work hard to stay away from old habits. Recently, I ALMOST got up, grabbed my things and stormed out. Instead, I went in the kitchen and washed the dishes to have something to do with myself and some time to cool down. I thought of how getting mad and leaving would affect us, and where W's mood was coming from. I did not yell or get angry. I got quiet and thought before speaking. It all had to do with her daughter(s) and current relationship(s) with her family - which W was blaming on me. When I went back in the living room, I told W that she was wrong about how I was thinking and feeling, and I felt she was being pretty hard on me. I reminded her that she was not doing what our therapist said to do, and she was repeatedly throwing it in my face about the family problems due to us being together. W actually apologized and asked me for patience, saying she was very stressed out and worried about her baby. I then went home and gave her some time to herself. Later that evening, W came to my house; we watched some TV and had dinner. She was very pleasant and upbeat, and actually massaged my bad leg - something she had not done in months.

If something comes up that we have covered in therapy, I remind W what our therapist said on the topic. It is often something we disagreed on, and are supposed to leave behind us - agree to disagree sort of thing. I find that if W and I actually stay calm and talk about what is going on, we do fine and work things out.

I feel like my wife holds all of the cards right now. It is tough sometimes. She will not stay overnight in my house because she says there are bad memories here and it gives her anxiety, so we spend very little time here. That is hard and gets old. W makes the decisions of what we do, where we go, what we watch or listen to, when we eat, go to bed, bathe, etc. But, what choice do I have? I love my wife and want my marriage to work.

W's youngest daughter came into town Thursday, and stayed with her mom. I still had not seen her since W moved out. Friday, YD went out with some friends, so W and I unexpectedly went out to dinner together. Nice. Saturday I had a surprise party to attend for one on my best friends, and W had her daughters/family coming over for pizza and a visit. The oldest daughter is the one who has been so resistant. OD and her family came and left early. W texted me that YD said she wanted to see me walk (just walking again after 16 months). I had to pass near W's house on my way home, so I asked if she wanted me to stop by. My wife said yes, absolutely - that YD and Middle Daughter wanted to see me. I had not yet seen MD's new baby yet. I was almost crying, just thinking about seeing the kids and grandkids for the first time since W moved out. It was a nice visit and an ice breaker. W, her mom, sister, YD, MD, MD's husband and their two daughters were there. It was so nice to see everyone. I only stayed about a half hour - W and I were going to a fund raiser / dance that evening, and I had to go get ready for our date.

OD is very good at holding a grudge. She held W at arm's length before we ever had problems. She still holds it against me that I missed a couple of family events last year - but I was sick and recovering from a major surgery! She says so why is it important for me to see them now? OD was not answering W's calls & texts while YD was in town. OD really hurt W. OD is passive-aggressive and kind of punishes W for her imagined slights. I guess the good news is that YD & MD are fine having me around again. I did not want to spend another holiday alone, without my family. The bad news is W is very hurt by OD's behavior recently. But, W is almost to the point of not trying so hard to win OD over concerning me. The funny thing is that OD invited us all to go on a family cruise for Mardi Gras next year, and we are all booked. So, we have less than a year to put this behind us.

My W still is often a bit distant, but is slowly becoming more physically and verbally affectionate. She regularly says she loves me and has been admiring my slimmer physique. She lets me know she looks forward to our time together and is asking to add time together when our regularly scheduled days are not available for whatever reason. I keep working on me and will do my best to stay calm and cool, and think before speaking or taking action. I never let W forget how beautiful, gorgeous and simply stunning I think she is, and that I notice and like how her physique is slimming down, too (we both are working out with a trainer twice a week). Yes, I am still very much in love with her...