Alpha and WAW - part 2

[Train]

Nope. Pursuit.

[alpha99]

Dang, I nodded off, woke up and sent the.message.

I feel like I'm in freefall just waiting to slam into the ground.

[Starsky309]

Dang, I nodded off, woke up and sent the.message.

I feel like I'm in freefall just waiting to slam into the ground.

Wow. Train's 11-MINUTE RESPONSE wasn't fast enough for you, eh?

Still operating based on your feelings, Alpha?

Bad move.

Starsky

[alpha99]

Sorry, yes, I guess your right. Things have just nose dived today and got the better of me. Not sleeping at all (3.20am now)

Any advice on how to handle today?

[alpha99]

This is going to be the hardest day of my life. I haven't slept all night and cried on and off. How can I stop this nightmare. After doing so I just feel deflated and defeated. She's the love of my life, they're my beautiful children. I'm in my house alone for what might be the last night ever...I just can't handle this. I want to be strong but my emotions are overtaking me

[Complex]

Sorry to hear alpha. Breath and focus, think about your kids. Allow yourself some slack, cry etc. but then tell youself it's enough, I have to take care of myself.
And most importantly don't get caught in what went wrong and all the ifs. Focus on the now and on yourself and your children.
You will get there!!! Try to distract yourself, read a lot. Buy some books, post a lot here. Force yourself to GAL.
I wish you all the best. I really feel for you. But I know you can do this!

[alpha99]

Thanks complex, I will try to do those things.

I am trying to be positive. If the house gets sold I will have quite a bit of money. I can do things then I've never been able to. W and kids will only be a 10 minute drive away. Things are so raw right now but maybe over the coming months if I get things right things may change. Slowly but surely I am becoming a different person. I would never have dreamt of going to a language meet up until now for example. My teeth are fixed and sparking clean. I am the fittest and lightest in terms of weight I have been in over 10 years. W does appear to be genuine when she says she isn't with anyone, so in that respect the only thing to change is the house being cleansed in preparation for sale. She did mention D again last night but says she has no plans immediately. I asked about our future, she said I don't think so. Understandable given the moment. I shouldn't have asked, I know. At least even in the heat if everything she didn't slam the door completely shut. There is a glimmer of hope. Earlier I wrote worse case scenario. Now let's try best case:

A year from now we could potentially all be living in the one house (W did say this week's ago if things did work out). It would be rented, so that's a bummer, but we'd have more.money from house sale than ever before. Kids in ew school, made new friends, rebuild friendship/relationship with W, happier than ever...that's the dream anyway.

[alpha99]

So today, listen, absorb, don't react emotionally, no R talk, project happiness (tho I feel dead inside) be nice without being overly helpful, no crazy declarations, wild statements, or ultimatums.

Also, I mentioned taking kids out Thursday for tea. Casually invited W. She said she thought it wasn't a good idea as we are not together. I said the offer is there anyway, and left it at that.

[Complex]

You sound more positive already. But you HAVE to stop pursuing W. Read DR again or get some advice from the vets or a coach.
Stop asking her out, stop sending texts etc ..please!!'
It won't do any good. Try to think what W thinks when you do those things from her point of view.
There are many other things you can do. But for now, in the state of mind you are still in, I would keep contact to W at a minimum. You are doing too many mistakes still. Build some more DB knowledge!

[alpha99]

Thanks complex, and everyone else, who has helped me through this last day. All your advice has been great. I just need to follow it. No more texts, I won't mention W coming out with us for tea on Thursday either. We spoke last night about sorting out a week by week arrangement for the kids. Since she is here today and my work is flexible I will try and get that set up for the next few weeks (as far as she has her shifts in advance).

I have felt I was doing really well all week long and then BANG, this came like a bolt from the blue. The problem seems to be compounded by her family who are pushing her along. They think they know all the legalities about the situation and that she is right in having the kids all the time, has full control over when I see them, can change schools, sell house, do whatever she likes basically, with no (or very little) regard for me.

Once she is in her house then maybe her folks influence will wain somewhat. She can be fiercely independent and I know because she's said that she doesn't like living at her mum's right now and having to follow 'her rules' but is doing so out of neccesity. Once moved she may resist her mother's controlling personality. I hope so anyway.

I am not going to pursue her anymore. Easier said than done it turns out, but I am going to give it everything to just hold back. I have a coaching session later today so that is good timing.

Complex, you said there are many other things I can do in the meantime whilst I feel like this. Did you mean GAL, distractions, reading etc as was suggested earlier, or do you mean something else. If there's anything else you could suggest I might do in the meantime then I would appreciate the comments.