Many people (including me) will advise you to allow your H to feel the consequences of his choices. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. IOW, don't offer him the "family life" he has run from while he's wayward and in an unrepentant A with OW.
BUT, I'm also a huge proponent of embracing opportunities to SHINE as a left-behind spouse (LBS). If you know you can pull it off and H is going to be around, make plans to go out. Dress nicely, in a new outfit if possible. Wear a new perfume. Put on make-up and jewelry. Be mysterious and "neighborly friendly" toward your H - light, breezy, upbeat - in the little bit of time you'll interact before you say to him, "Thanks for watching the kids! I'll be back later!" And leave. If he asks where you're going? Say in an upbeat way: "Out with friends! Don't wait up!"
Turn the tables. Flip the script. Leave HIM guessing where YOU will be while he's home with the kids.
Meanwhile, can you give us some more specific background on your M? Where do you think things went wrong in your M?
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
